60. Self-Trust & Recovery From Burnout: Sarah's Success Story
Have you ever felt like you're just trying to play catch-up in your own life? That's exactly where Sarah found herself six months ago. Despite having a thriving business, a wonderful marriage, and healthy children, she felt completely burnt out and exhausted. She was at the mercy of all the wonderful things in her life with no space to enjoy any of it. That's when she discovered our podcast while searching for burnout solutions.
In this special episode, we sit down with Sarah, one of our rockstar alumni clients, to discuss her transformation through six months of coaching. As a successful State Farm agency owner, Sarah came to us struggling with constant external validation-seeking and feeling overwhelmed by every problem that came her way. She describes herself as feeling like "a racehorse without a track to run on" – full of ambition but unsure how to channel it effectively.
Today, Sarah shares the powerful mindset shifts that changed everything for her. From learning to trust herself instead of seeking external validation to breaking free from the entrepreneurial hustle culture she witnessed growing up, her journey is both relatable and inspiring. She walks us through the specific tools that became game-changers in her life and explains how coaching helped her find a more grounded, empowered version of herself who can make decisions aligned with her true values and priorities.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
How to recognize when you're living for external validation and the steps to break free from that pattern.
Why changing your circumstances won't solve your problems if you don't do the internal work first.
How to use the "let them" concept to release yourself from worrying about others' perceptions.
Why self-trust is the foundation for making aligned decisions without constant validation from others.
How to balance ambition with well-being and avoid burnout while still achieving success.
The difference between therapy and coaching, and why forward-focused work can be transformative.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Kelle: Hey Ambitious-ish listeners. Today we're joined on the pod by our rockstar client, Sarah. She's a mom, a kick-ass small business owner, and a regular badass.
Nina: Yeah, Sarah was a podcast listener who loved what she heard here and decided to take the work a step further and invest in coaching with us.
Kelle: And she talks with us today about just that. What it was like to coach with us for six months this past year.
Nina: Yeah, we get into the stories and behaviors that were holding her back and how she's feeling and doing now. At work, at home, with her kids, and with her colleagues and peers.
Kelle: And what she's believing about herself now that's changed her life.
Nina: This was such a fun conversation. Thanks again to Sarah for sharing her time and reflections with us. Let's jump in. This is Ambitious-ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Nina: Okay, well, let's jump in. Today we have a special treat for everyone. We are joined by one of our alumni, alums, alumni clients, the rockstar Sarah. How are you, Rockstar? How are you doing today? How are we finding you?
Sarah: I'm doing really well. It's nice and sunny here, finally warm. Super happy to be spending time with you guys.
Nina: I know you look sunny. It's very nice. Very cool.
So we just finished six months of coaching with Sarah, and she's giving us, generously, some time to chat with her. So today, Sarah, tell us, we'll just take a step back. Tell us, if you can, go back to six-ish months ago. What brought you to coaching? First of all, how did you find us? And yeah, what brought you to the consultation call?
Sarah: Yeah, so I was just in a place where, on paper, I had every reason to just freaking adore my life. I have a great marriage to my best friend, three healthy kids, a thriving business, and just, I found myself feeling honestly, just completely burnt out, feeling exhausted, feeling like life was just, like I was just trying to play catch-up in my own life, and like it was, like I wasn't in control of my life. It just I felt like I was at the mercy of all the wonderful things in my life and with no space to even enjoy it.
So I ended up searching burnout on Apple Podcasts and came across your, it was like one of your first episodes. And I remember distinctly I was driving home. My mom had just flown in that weekend because she was like, "Oh my gosh, like my daughter is in crisis mode. Like I need to fly out for a weekend and just spend time with her." And so I had just dropped her back off at the airport. And I listened to that first episode and literally binged. I think at that point you had seven episodes out. So I binged all seven of them and just, I remember feeling like, "Oh my gosh, like I feel like these people get me."
I read all the books, I do all the podcasts, and I just never felt like things completely landed the way that your podcast did. And so right after that, the seven episodes weren't enough, and I'm like, "Oh my god, I need to meet with these people." And so I scheduled my consultation and just knew this is exactly what I need to do.
Nina: Wow, that's so cool. That's awesome. I remember that consultation. It was awesome. You came fired up, Sarah. You were just like, I remember you just saying like, "I'm just nodding my head at what you're saying." Like what we were saying on the podcast, you were just like, "I'm sitting here nodding my head." And just, I'm wondering if, hopefully, it helped you feel a little comforted knowing you're not alone. Just that like what you were going through has a name, you know? And that when we can name it, we can navigate it.
If you can, tell us a little bit about, like very specifically, what areas of your life you were kind of really bumping into walls, if you will. You really felt stuck. And if you could help paint us a picture a little bit.
Sarah: Yeah, so I would say two specific things. I think one pattern that I came in with is just even since, you know, ever since I was a little girl, it's like constantly looking outside of myself for validation, for, "Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right?" And that led me to being in a place where everybody around me could be saying, "Yes! Yes, you're doing enough. Yes, you're, you're great, you're successful, whatever."
But internally, it's like a black hole. Like you can never get enough validation or enough check boxes to fill that void. And so I think I was constantly going through life, looking from one shoulder to the next, like needing everybody else's nod of approval. And so that was a huge thing that I think we worked on in those six months is and not looking outside of ourselves for the answer, but really internally checking in with myself and being aligned with my values and my priorities and getting clear on those, and then making decisions according to those.
And really, not in a selfish or conceited way, but really elevating my own thoughts about myself and my achievements, really over other people's because it's recognizing that other people don't run my life. Other people aren't in my shoes. And so I am in the driver's seat of making decisions for myself. I would say that was a huge theme.
And then the other one that kind of runs hand-in-hand was just feeling at the mercy of every whirlwind, every possible problem. The checking the email and feeling like your life is on the line. That feeling is so real. And so really deconstructing the thoughts that I was believing that were creating a lot of negative feelings in my life and just learning how, when I find myself in a negative, when I feel just junky and like, "Ugh, I'm not in a good place." Being able to step that back and say, "What thought am I believing about what just happened? And how is that impacting my life and my mental well-being?"
Kelle: Mmhmm. Thank you for that. And I am wondering if you can just fill the listeners in on what you do. Listen, Sarah is such a rockstar businesswoman. You got to listen to her story. Can you just tell a little bit about your story?
Sarah: Yeah, like my business story or just like what part of it?
Kelle: Yeah, your business story, like how you decided to open your business and what you do, what your business is.
Sarah: Yeah, so I own a State Farm agency. And for the longest time, I just didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I felt all this raging passion, all this drive and ambition, but didn't really know what to do with it. When my kids were little, I worked as an administrative assistant, and that was wonderful to be a stay-at-home mom while they were really little. But I always found myself, kind of in the back of my mind, I would tell my husband I felt like a racehorse without a track to run on and just didn't know what to do with that.
One of my good friends, Chris, is another agent in town, and for the longest time, he just kind of kept tapping me on the shoulder saying, "Hey, like this is an amazing opportunity. You should, you know, go for it." And I preferred to think of myself as a trailblazer and someone who was original, so I just kind of kept ignoring him, but eventually, you know, it just became, I was like, "Oh my gosh, like I don't know what else to do. I might as well just give this a try."
So yeah, I worked for another agent in town and just worked my tail off to become the best sales producer that I could be so that I could be noticed by State Farm corporate. Because they're really the ones who dole out these opportunities and ended up competing for an opportunity, and they ended up giving me one in my, the location, I was literally able to choose the zip code that I wanted to be in, and they said, "Well, we'll create an opportunity just for you."
So basically started with nothing, with no customers, and in my first year basically hit one of the most elite awards within our company. And so just, I have an amazing team around me, amazing family, and just really grateful to be here and have a place to put my ambition.
Kelle: Mm. I was just going to say, like you are the penultimate of ambition. Like ambitious, not even ambitious-ish. That came later, right?
Sarah: But like literally the title Ambitious-ish is what I so connected with you guys on because you can have all of this career ambition, but I don't want career success at the cost of my family, at the cost of my peace, at the cost of my sanity and my marriage and my joy. And I think that's where I so identify with what you guys are doing, because I do feel ambitious-ish.
Like today, I was like, "I am supposed to be in the office at 10, and I don't want to do that because I just want to sit in my car and like talk to my friend and pretend to pick up my daughter? And like, I don't really care if that means that I lose a sale." Like I just, and I think as career women, we can get really, feel really guilty by that. Like how could you dream to give up a sale or to be 20% less successful when there's more money on the table, there's more success to be had? But there's that internal voice that says, "No, like I don't want that if that's what it's going to cost me, if it's going to cost me my joy." You guys have helped me navigate that.
Nina: We talked about this recently, right? That, Sarah, there's always going to be more money on the table. And you have to decide, you get to decide, you get to choose what to do with that, right? Because we're like, "It's going to go away! It's going to go away! It's on the table! It's going to blow away!" Yeah. Yeah, you get to like approach that from a place of sufficiency, not fear and scarcity, right?
Kelle: Okay, so I have another question. What is it like having two coaches versus just having one coach?
Sarah: Oh my gosh, it's like bonus, you know? You, first of all, just to keep the consistency of scheduling, you know, if there was a, I think that consistent every week is so important. And I mean, definitely for the most part, you guys were both there each, you know, each session. But when there was the random time where, of course, things are going to come up, to still be able to keep those sessions regular was super important.
But even more than that, I mean, you guys just bring two very cohesive but very different perspectives to the table. And there are such distinct times in my mind where we'd be talking and hashing out something, and Nina would bring, you know, this just, "Hey, what about this? Does this land?" And it would be like, "Yes! that's exactly what I'm trying to say." And then the next week, you know, Kelle, you'd bring some story from this person and you'd be like, "Does this land?" I'm like, "Oh my gosh, yes! I needed that example." So, I mean, who wouldn't want like double the input, double the perspective? It was amazing.
Kelle: Aw. I just love coaching with Nina too. There's so much I learn because I'm just like, "Oh, my mind wasn't even going there. My mind was in a completely different place."
Nina: I think we both stretch each other. Yeah.
Kelle: Yeah, where I would have taken the call. And so it is really cool to be like, "Oh, good one, Nina! Yeah! High five!"
Nina: Totally. No, it's so, it's, I mean, I'm ambitious-ish too. I always want to grow. I think we're all kind of obsessed with not necessarily what's next, but just being that favorite version of ourselves and stretching and growing. And a big part of that, and what we see with Sarah here, is like I think as an ambitious woman, there's like, once you have what you want, there's like another having that you want to go get. So you're moving from one having to the next a lot, right?
And so it's in between the havings is like really hard. It can be really hard. That's where the hard stuff is, right? And so that's what we want to get good at. I feel like sometimes that's where we meet our clients. They're like, I have everything I want, but I want more. I just don't know how to get there because I'm really not good at, or I'm having a hard time with, like the hard in between, the big emotions. I'm burning out instead of rising up, right? I'm not alive during the hard. I'm kind of like, survival during the hard, right?
And so between the havings, we want you to feel more empowered in those zones, you know, in the in-between. Between the havings, because there's always going to be more. I feel like we just talked to you about this last week too, right? We had kind of a bonus session with Sarah after her container, and we're just talking through sort of like, I think there's more, like there's like a next, right?
Sarah: Yeah. Well, and I think that's where it came back to that permission. We talked about how, I think our world talks a lot about, "Know your purpose! Have your purpose!" you know, when you have this element, like I have my business, which I'm passionate about, and it's certainly a great income stream. But then I'm finding myself like, "Oh, but it really doesn't fully scratch maybe this other itch that I have."
And again, I think there's that guilt of being this multifaceted woman and wanting the world's permission for me to maybe have two passions or maybe have two projects. And recognizing I don't need anyone's permission. And quite frankly, there are so many incredible women who have gone before me who actually have done those things and have been a trailblazer. But even if there wasn't, even if there weren't other examples, I could be the first. I don't have to wait for someone else to tell me that it's okay.
You guys just, literally, I had this picture of you guys just blowing the lid off of my understanding of the world, my understanding of myself, and my understanding of what we are or are not capable of, or just even what we can and can't and should and shouldn't do. It's just like blow off all those limitations and really getting clear about, "What do I want?" And maybe wanting something is enough, is enough to have that permission to go pursue it.
Nina: Yeah, I think if I can go back to early in the container, and I'm just looking at some of our notes. I think it was cool, Sarah, how we unpacked kind of how success, you defined it maybe from a young age, and who your role models were and how, you know, family of origin kind of informed the way that you were showing up, right? So we kind of went back and identified sort of some key players. And we eventually kind of rewrote, you know, what success looks like and how you want to be in your work, who you want to be, and how you want to be.
Sarah: Yes. Yes. Yeah, so we talked about, so my parents were entrepreneurs, and they owned a very successful wedding business, but it was one that kept their boots on the ground 100% of the time. They, I remember at 2 AM, they'd get calls because they'd set up, you know, set up a huge tent for a wedding, and the tent would have blown down at 2 AM, but the wedding's at 8 AM the next day.
And so my parents were the epitome of the classic entrepreneur where you're just working around the clock and you are it. You know, the buck stops with you. And I saw that hustle. So I think there has been a lot of, again, guilt of, I own a business that allows me to hire a team of people who are, in large respect, the boots on the ground. And I run, or can run, the agency sometimes remote or just not be involved in the day-to-day with customers.
And that's what I want, because I want to spend more time with my family and spend more time, you know, pouring into my team who's then pouring into my customers. But there's guilt in that when you've had a role model of people who just are exhausted and working around the clock. And then I'm sitting over here clocking out at 4 to go get my kids at school. It didn't feel like I was worthy of the success that I was getting without putting in that same hustle that I saw my parents put in. And that was, and it still is, a struggle.
Nina: Yeah, first one there, last to leave kind of thing, right? Green light always on, right? These were some of the things we unpacked, right?
Kelle: I have a highlighted bit here in my notes. It says, "I find myself people-pleasing and being overly concerned with what the people working for me think of me." "My employees are my source of security, like my dad was for me." And, “Really needing to get away from that because it's robbing me of a bunch of freedom and play."
Sarah: Nailed it. Yes. Oh my gosh, I need to go back and review all my notes.
Yeah, and I think I thought that being an entrepreneur would free me from being consumed with what my boss thinks of me and what, you know, if I don't have a boss, all of a sudden I'm going to have the freedom to do whatever I want. And ironically, it's like that concept we talk about all the time. Like, if I move to another state, I'm still there. If I get a different job title and I own my company and I'm theoretically the boss, but I'm obsessed with people-pleasing, guess what? It's not a boss anymore. It's my, like I'm worried about what my employees are thinking. Which creates a dysfunctional relationship in and of itself.
There is no escape in life. You really have to do the deep work of changing your thoughts and mindsets if you want to experience the freedom that is available. But changing your circumstance isn't the answer to that. It's really doing that deep internal work.
Nina: Tell us, if you can, can you articulate a tool or two that have become clutch for you? A tool or a concept that you are walking away with that is, that has just been game-changers?
Sarah: Yes, definitely. The two that come to mind are just the concept of "let them." "Oh my gosh, someone might think that… blank. Someone might perceive me as… blank." And just having the freedom to say, "Let them." And to not ruminate on how I came across in this instance and just releasing that, that I'm not in control of what other, how other people perceive me. Other people's perceptions of me are really none of my business. And just letting that be.
The other would be the thoughts, feelings, actions loop, for sure. Just going back to that and stopping myself when I'm having really negative feelings about something, and just identifying the thought that is causing that negative feeling, and then reworking that thought has been so powerful. And it's also been so eye-opening to see how many conclusions I jump to in my thoughts and then allow those made-up thoughts and assumptions to truly run my life. It’s kind of where I first came to coaching, not even realizing how many false, made-up thoughts were impacting me.
Nina: Mm, cool. So when Sarah references the thought, feelings, action loop, this is in coaching, when we're trained, this is rooted in cognitive behavior theory. And we talk about this very early on in early episodes of the podcast, how your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive all your actions or inaction, and those actions over time create your results. So that's what Sarah's referencing there. This is that inner mindset work that we do with every client, and it absolutely is a tool and a strategy.
And so if you could explain to an alien, even a good friend, but like explain to someone who really doesn't know anything about us, kind of what you're walking away with? What's different? What's easy now that was hard before? What's different? What are you walking away with after six months of pretty killer coaching?
Sarah: Yeah, it was. It was the best. I've done therapy, I've done, you know, like I said, so many books and podcasts. Nothing has impacted me the way that coaching has. I feel a much more grounded version of myself. I feel so much more empowered to live the life that I want to live. And I feel like I have the tools to make decisions that are aligned with who I am, with what I value, with what my priorities are, without the constant need or fear or obsession with getting someone else to validate that.
I also loved that coaching is so forward-focused. A lot of, I found that in some of my, the therapy that I've done, it's so hindsight and past-focused, which, you know, sometimes we do have to call on that to break lies and beliefs. And we did that. It's not that we shy away from the past, but I don't want to spend hours and hours and hours trying to sort out why my parents did X, Y, and Z. I just want to say, "How did that impact me? And how can I move forward?"
Kelle: Mmhmm. Yeah, therapy is so important. And actually, most of our clients get therapy or have gotten therapy. And now they feel, not good, but like they have dealt with that in a way that they can now look forward to the future and kind of write that next chapter.
Sarah: Exactly. Well, and absolutely. I think there is a time and a place, and I'm sure I'll be back in therapy, you know, throughout seasons of my life. It's just, I think what landed with you guys is just, yeah, that forward-focused approach that maybe was lacking in some of the other methodologies that I've worked on.
Nina: Yeah. Do you remember creating that future Sarah vision?
Sarah: 100%. Yes.
Nina: What do you do with that these days? Or where, what comes up?
Sarah: Yeah, I think that she's still there. And I think that often she shows up as an invitation to say, "In any given decision or situation, what is required of me today to move, you know, one step forward to that future version of me?" And I think she, I just see her kind of at the end of life, cheering me on.
There was this concept that we talked a lot about, about this gag and go concept, where when you have to sometimes make a decision, maybe for me, for example, it's a value of mine to leave at 3:30 to go pick my kids up at school. And I have the thought, "My employees are going to think that I am not a hard worker or that I don't deserve the success that we've achieved because I leave work early." And having to choose to act outside of how you're thinking and say, "I'm going to let them think that. I'm going to act in line with my beliefs, and I'm going to leave at 3:30 anyway."
It's that concept of gag and go. It doesn't feel good necessarily, feels gross, it feels nasty because you're still fighting those thoughts. But I picture future Sarah cheering me on, saying, "Yes! You lived in alignment just then with what your priorities were, and I'm proud of you!" And so, yeah, that's how she shows up.
Nina: If you can, you know, what do you believe about yourself now that maybe you didn't before six months of coaching?
Sarah: I can think of a specific session. One of the reasons why I had such an obsession of looking outside of myself for the answers is I didn't want to be prideful, thinking that I knew it all and had all the answers. And I didn't want to be so self-reliant that someone else's input couldn't impact me, or kind of that arrogant leader who isn't humble enough to see another opinion.
So now, I trust myself so much more to say, "I don't always have all the answers, but I have so much trust and faith in myself that I am capable of finding the right answers, and that I'm capable of making a decision that I believe is best in the moment. And even if the outcome isn't what I thought it would be, I am capable of making another decision to correct that or to move into another direction."
And so quitting this black-and-white thinking of like every decision is right or wrong, every move I make is right or wrong. And more so, just every step along the way is just a gray step. We don't know what it is, but we have the power to keep molding and making it as we go. So a lot more, I would say I've always been a pretty confident person in terms of what people would see of me, but the internal dialogue was just lacking so much confidence and so much self-assurance. I lacked self-assurance. And now, I just feel so much more self-assured. Like, it's okay. I got it. I can figure this out.
Nina: I might even call this self-trust.
Sarah: Yes.
Nina: You know? I think self-assurance is a cool way to put it too. I'm just going to lob some self-trust in there and dribble it on top of all that too. Yeah, totally. I mean, because no matter what happens, like, "I've got it. I'm going to figure it out." That's what I kind of think of as self-trust. And yeah, and it's not about the what-ifs. It's like, even if, even if that happens, we're going to figure it out. Really cool.
All right, Rockstar, what's next for Sarah? What is next?
Sarah: Oh, that is a good question. >
Nina: More, I'm sure. I'm sure, more.
Sarah: Yes. You know, more and also less. Just yeah, I mean, slowing down, enjoying the simple things in life, just being more in tune with when I'm going for that next trophy or that next award, and really asking myself, "Do I want that because I think that's what I should want? Or do I want that because that's what I really want?" And being at peace with whatever the answer is, and giving myself the permission to do either one, whatever I feel led to do.
But honestly, what I'm looking forward to in the next few years is giving myself permission to chill out a little bit. Not taking out the gas from the business standpoint, but finding more ways to relax, enjoy my family, enjoy my marriage, enjoy my friends. And, you know, not let work take over my entire life, but, you know, my work is there to provide a living so that you can actually live and enjoy the life that you worked so hard to create. Oh gosh, I have to...
Nina: That's awesome.
Sarah: I can't get away from it.
Kelle: Yeah, yeah.
Nina: Oh, that's awesome, Rockstar. Cool, cool. Gosh, your smile is everything. It's so good to see you.
Kelle: Yeah. Oh, so good to see you.
Sarah: You guys too.
Nina: Anything else, Kel? This was just lovely. We don't want to take up too much of your time, but it was lovely to see you and to chat with you.
Kelle: Anytime we get to spend more time with Sarah. Come on, she's amazing.
Nina: I know, amazing. Yeah. And anything you would want, you know, our listeners to hear that maybe we didn't cover today?
Sarah: No, I mean, I just, I looked forward to every single session. I think for anyone who's on the fence of, you know, "Oh, do I really want to make this investment in myself?" Not that, I mean, the gosh the value that you guys bring, it doesn't even feel like it's this large investment. Like the work that you guys do with me, basically, if anyone is on the fence, I would just say go for it. Like take a risk on yourself because, especially for business owners or entrepreneurs or, I mean, all the people who listen to you are probably career women, but you're going to make it, the investment up, you know, 10 times over with the clarity of mind that you're going to get. And I guess I'm kind of speechless when it comes to the fact that I, maybe for a second, was like, "Oh gosh, should I do this?" And my life was literally changed by the six months, and I'm so, so, so grateful.
Nina: Oh, that's awesome.
Kelle: Yeah. We're so grateful for you coming and investing in yourself, right? Because we need more powerful women running things.
Nina: Yeah, we need everyone out of survival mode, in their critical thinking, being badass. Yeah, make it, creating impact. That's exactly what we see in front of us right now. It's so cool, Sarah.
Kelle: Yeah.
Sarah: Thanks, guys. I'm so grateful.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Nina: You can ask us questions, get clarity, and get coached.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events, and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to KelleAndNina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit KelleAndNina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Nina: Yeah, Sarah was a podcast listener who loved what she heard here and decided to take the work a step further and invest in coaching with us.
Kelle: And she talks with us today about just that. What it was like to coach with us for six months this past year.
Nina: Yeah, we get into the stories and behaviors that were holding her back and how she's feeling and doing now. At work, at home, with her kids, and with her colleagues and peers.
Kelle: And what she's believing about herself now that's changed her life.
Nina: This was such a fun conversation. Thanks again to Sarah for sharing her time and reflections with us. Let's jump in. This is Ambitious-ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Nina: Okay, well, let's jump in. Today we have a special treat for everyone. We are joined by one of our alumni, alums, alumni clients, the rockstar Sarah. How are you, Rockstar? How are you doing today? How are we finding you?
Sarah: I'm doing really well. It's nice and sunny here, finally warm. Super happy to be spending time with you guys.
Nina: I know you look sunny. It's very nice. Very cool.
So we just finished six months of coaching with Sarah, and she's giving us, generously, some time to chat with her. So today, Sarah, tell us, we'll just take a step back. Tell us, if you can, go back to six-ish months ago. What brought you to coaching? First of all, how did you find us? And yeah, what brought you to the consultation call?
Sarah: Yeah, so I was just in a place where, on paper, I had every reason to just freaking adore my life. I have a great marriage to my best friend, three healthy kids, a thriving business, and just, I found myself feeling honestly, just completely burnt out, feeling exhausted, feeling like life was just, like I was just trying to play catch-up in my own life, and like it was, like I wasn't in control of my life. It just I felt like I was at the mercy of all the wonderful things in my life and with no space to even enjoy it.
So I ended up searching burnout on Apple Podcasts and came across your, it was like one of your first episodes. And I remember distinctly I was driving home. My mom had just flown in that weekend because she was like, "Oh my gosh, like my daughter is in crisis mode. Like I need to fly out for a weekend and just spend time with her." And so I had just dropped her back off at the airport. And I listened to that first episode and literally binged. I think at that point you had seven episodes out. So I binged all seven of them and just, I remember feeling like, "Oh my gosh, like I feel like these people get me."
I read all the books, I do all the podcasts, and I just never felt like things completely landed the way that your podcast did. And so right after that, the seven episodes weren't enough, and I'm like, "Oh my god, I need to meet with these people." And so I scheduled my consultation and just knew this is exactly what I need to do.
Nina: Wow, that's so cool. That's awesome. I remember that consultation. It was awesome. You came fired up, Sarah. You were just like, I remember you just saying like, "I'm just nodding my head at what you're saying." Like what we were saying on the podcast, you were just like, "I'm sitting here nodding my head." And just, I'm wondering if, hopefully, it helped you feel a little comforted knowing you're not alone. Just that like what you were going through has a name, you know? And that when we can name it, we can navigate it.
If you can, tell us a little bit about, like very specifically, what areas of your life you were kind of really bumping into walls, if you will. You really felt stuck. And if you could help paint us a picture a little bit.
Sarah: Yeah, so I would say two specific things. I think one pattern that I came in with is just even since, you know, ever since I was a little girl, it's like constantly looking outside of myself for validation, for, "Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right?" And that led me to being in a place where everybody around me could be saying, "Yes! Yes, you're doing enough. Yes, you're, you're great, you're successful, whatever."
But internally, it's like a black hole. Like you can never get enough validation or enough check boxes to fill that void. And so I think I was constantly going through life, looking from one shoulder to the next, like needing everybody else's nod of approval. And so that was a huge thing that I think we worked on in those six months is and not looking outside of ourselves for the answer, but really internally checking in with myself and being aligned with my values and my priorities and getting clear on those, and then making decisions according to those.
And really, not in a selfish or conceited way, but really elevating my own thoughts about myself and my achievements, really over other people's because it's recognizing that other people don't run my life. Other people aren't in my shoes. And so I am in the driver's seat of making decisions for myself. I would say that was a huge theme.
And then the other one that kind of runs hand-in-hand was just feeling at the mercy of every whirlwind, every possible problem. The checking the email and feeling like your life is on the line. That feeling is so real. And so really deconstructing the thoughts that I was believing that were creating a lot of negative feelings in my life and just learning how, when I find myself in a negative, when I feel just junky and like, "Ugh, I'm not in a good place." Being able to step that back and say, "What thought am I believing about what just happened? And how is that impacting my life and my mental well-being?"
Kelle: Mmhmm. Thank you for that. And I am wondering if you can just fill the listeners in on what you do. Listen, Sarah is such a rockstar businesswoman. You got to listen to her story. Can you just tell a little bit about your story?
Sarah: Yeah, like my business story or just like what part of it?
Kelle: Yeah, your business story, like how you decided to open your business and what you do, what your business is.
Sarah: Yeah, so I own a State Farm agency. And for the longest time, I just didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I felt all this raging passion, all this drive and ambition, but didn't really know what to do with it. When my kids were little, I worked as an administrative assistant, and that was wonderful to be a stay-at-home mom while they were really little. But I always found myself, kind of in the back of my mind, I would tell my husband I felt like a racehorse without a track to run on and just didn't know what to do with that.
One of my good friends, Chris, is another agent in town, and for the longest time, he just kind of kept tapping me on the shoulder saying, "Hey, like this is an amazing opportunity. You should, you know, go for it." And I preferred to think of myself as a trailblazer and someone who was original, so I just kind of kept ignoring him, but eventually, you know, it just became, I was like, "Oh my gosh, like I don't know what else to do. I might as well just give this a try."
So yeah, I worked for another agent in town and just worked my tail off to become the best sales producer that I could be so that I could be noticed by State Farm corporate. Because they're really the ones who dole out these opportunities and ended up competing for an opportunity, and they ended up giving me one in my, the location, I was literally able to choose the zip code that I wanted to be in, and they said, "Well, we'll create an opportunity just for you."
So basically started with nothing, with no customers, and in my first year basically hit one of the most elite awards within our company. And so just, I have an amazing team around me, amazing family, and just really grateful to be here and have a place to put my ambition.
Kelle: Mm. I was just going to say, like you are the penultimate of ambition. Like ambitious, not even ambitious-ish. That came later, right?
Sarah: But like literally the title Ambitious-ish is what I so connected with you guys on because you can have all of this career ambition, but I don't want career success at the cost of my family, at the cost of my peace, at the cost of my sanity and my marriage and my joy. And I think that's where I so identify with what you guys are doing, because I do feel ambitious-ish.
Like today, I was like, "I am supposed to be in the office at 10, and I don't want to do that because I just want to sit in my car and like talk to my friend and pretend to pick up my daughter? And like, I don't really care if that means that I lose a sale." Like I just, and I think as career women, we can get really, feel really guilty by that. Like how could you dream to give up a sale or to be 20% less successful when there's more money on the table, there's more success to be had? But there's that internal voice that says, "No, like I don't want that if that's what it's going to cost me, if it's going to cost me my joy." You guys have helped me navigate that.
Nina: We talked about this recently, right? That, Sarah, there's always going to be more money on the table. And you have to decide, you get to decide, you get to choose what to do with that, right? Because we're like, "It's going to go away! It's going to go away! It's on the table! It's going to blow away!" Yeah. Yeah, you get to like approach that from a place of sufficiency, not fear and scarcity, right?
Kelle: Okay, so I have another question. What is it like having two coaches versus just having one coach?
Sarah: Oh my gosh, it's like bonus, you know? You, first of all, just to keep the consistency of scheduling, you know, if there was a, I think that consistent every week is so important. And I mean, definitely for the most part, you guys were both there each, you know, each session. But when there was the random time where, of course, things are going to come up, to still be able to keep those sessions regular was super important.
But even more than that, I mean, you guys just bring two very cohesive but very different perspectives to the table. And there are such distinct times in my mind where we'd be talking and hashing out something, and Nina would bring, you know, this just, "Hey, what about this? Does this land?" And it would be like, "Yes! that's exactly what I'm trying to say." And then the next week, you know, Kelle, you'd bring some story from this person and you'd be like, "Does this land?" I'm like, "Oh my gosh, yes! I needed that example." So, I mean, who wouldn't want like double the input, double the perspective? It was amazing.
Kelle: Aw. I just love coaching with Nina too. There's so much I learn because I'm just like, "Oh, my mind wasn't even going there. My mind was in a completely different place."
Nina: I think we both stretch each other. Yeah.
Kelle: Yeah, where I would have taken the call. And so it is really cool to be like, "Oh, good one, Nina! Yeah! High five!"
Nina: Totally. No, it's so, it's, I mean, I'm ambitious-ish too. I always want to grow. I think we're all kind of obsessed with not necessarily what's next, but just being that favorite version of ourselves and stretching and growing. And a big part of that, and what we see with Sarah here, is like I think as an ambitious woman, there's like, once you have what you want, there's like another having that you want to go get. So you're moving from one having to the next a lot, right?
And so it's in between the havings is like really hard. It can be really hard. That's where the hard stuff is, right? And so that's what we want to get good at. I feel like sometimes that's where we meet our clients. They're like, I have everything I want, but I want more. I just don't know how to get there because I'm really not good at, or I'm having a hard time with, like the hard in between, the big emotions. I'm burning out instead of rising up, right? I'm not alive during the hard. I'm kind of like, survival during the hard, right?
And so between the havings, we want you to feel more empowered in those zones, you know, in the in-between. Between the havings, because there's always going to be more. I feel like we just talked to you about this last week too, right? We had kind of a bonus session with Sarah after her container, and we're just talking through sort of like, I think there's more, like there's like a next, right?
Sarah: Yeah. Well, and I think that's where it came back to that permission. We talked about how, I think our world talks a lot about, "Know your purpose! Have your purpose!" you know, when you have this element, like I have my business, which I'm passionate about, and it's certainly a great income stream. But then I'm finding myself like, "Oh, but it really doesn't fully scratch maybe this other itch that I have."
And again, I think there's that guilt of being this multifaceted woman and wanting the world's permission for me to maybe have two passions or maybe have two projects. And recognizing I don't need anyone's permission. And quite frankly, there are so many incredible women who have gone before me who actually have done those things and have been a trailblazer. But even if there wasn't, even if there weren't other examples, I could be the first. I don't have to wait for someone else to tell me that it's okay.
You guys just, literally, I had this picture of you guys just blowing the lid off of my understanding of the world, my understanding of myself, and my understanding of what we are or are not capable of, or just even what we can and can't and should and shouldn't do. It's just like blow off all those limitations and really getting clear about, "What do I want?" And maybe wanting something is enough, is enough to have that permission to go pursue it.
Nina: Yeah, I think if I can go back to early in the container, and I'm just looking at some of our notes. I think it was cool, Sarah, how we unpacked kind of how success, you defined it maybe from a young age, and who your role models were and how, you know, family of origin kind of informed the way that you were showing up, right? So we kind of went back and identified sort of some key players. And we eventually kind of rewrote, you know, what success looks like and how you want to be in your work, who you want to be, and how you want to be.
Sarah: Yes. Yes. Yeah, so we talked about, so my parents were entrepreneurs, and they owned a very successful wedding business, but it was one that kept their boots on the ground 100% of the time. They, I remember at 2 AM, they'd get calls because they'd set up, you know, set up a huge tent for a wedding, and the tent would have blown down at 2 AM, but the wedding's at 8 AM the next day.
And so my parents were the epitome of the classic entrepreneur where you're just working around the clock and you are it. You know, the buck stops with you. And I saw that hustle. So I think there has been a lot of, again, guilt of, I own a business that allows me to hire a team of people who are, in large respect, the boots on the ground. And I run, or can run, the agency sometimes remote or just not be involved in the day-to-day with customers.
And that's what I want, because I want to spend more time with my family and spend more time, you know, pouring into my team who's then pouring into my customers. But there's guilt in that when you've had a role model of people who just are exhausted and working around the clock. And then I'm sitting over here clocking out at 4 to go get my kids at school. It didn't feel like I was worthy of the success that I was getting without putting in that same hustle that I saw my parents put in. And that was, and it still is, a struggle.
Nina: Yeah, first one there, last to leave kind of thing, right? Green light always on, right? These were some of the things we unpacked, right?
Kelle: I have a highlighted bit here in my notes. It says, "I find myself people-pleasing and being overly concerned with what the people working for me think of me." "My employees are my source of security, like my dad was for me." And, “Really needing to get away from that because it's robbing me of a bunch of freedom and play."
Sarah: Nailed it. Yes. Oh my gosh, I need to go back and review all my notes.
Yeah, and I think I thought that being an entrepreneur would free me from being consumed with what my boss thinks of me and what, you know, if I don't have a boss, all of a sudden I'm going to have the freedom to do whatever I want. And ironically, it's like that concept we talk about all the time. Like, if I move to another state, I'm still there. If I get a different job title and I own my company and I'm theoretically the boss, but I'm obsessed with people-pleasing, guess what? It's not a boss anymore. It's my, like I'm worried about what my employees are thinking. Which creates a dysfunctional relationship in and of itself.
There is no escape in life. You really have to do the deep work of changing your thoughts and mindsets if you want to experience the freedom that is available. But changing your circumstance isn't the answer to that. It's really doing that deep internal work.
Nina: Tell us, if you can, can you articulate a tool or two that have become clutch for you? A tool or a concept that you are walking away with that is, that has just been game-changers?
Sarah: Yes, definitely. The two that come to mind are just the concept of "let them." "Oh my gosh, someone might think that… blank. Someone might perceive me as… blank." And just having the freedom to say, "Let them." And to not ruminate on how I came across in this instance and just releasing that, that I'm not in control of what other, how other people perceive me. Other people's perceptions of me are really none of my business. And just letting that be.
The other would be the thoughts, feelings, actions loop, for sure. Just going back to that and stopping myself when I'm having really negative feelings about something, and just identifying the thought that is causing that negative feeling, and then reworking that thought has been so powerful. And it's also been so eye-opening to see how many conclusions I jump to in my thoughts and then allow those made-up thoughts and assumptions to truly run my life. It’s kind of where I first came to coaching, not even realizing how many false, made-up thoughts were impacting me.
Nina: Mm, cool. So when Sarah references the thought, feelings, action loop, this is in coaching, when we're trained, this is rooted in cognitive behavior theory. And we talk about this very early on in early episodes of the podcast, how your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive all your actions or inaction, and those actions over time create your results. So that's what Sarah's referencing there. This is that inner mindset work that we do with every client, and it absolutely is a tool and a strategy.
And so if you could explain to an alien, even a good friend, but like explain to someone who really doesn't know anything about us, kind of what you're walking away with? What's different? What's easy now that was hard before? What's different? What are you walking away with after six months of pretty killer coaching?
Sarah: Yeah, it was. It was the best. I've done therapy, I've done, you know, like I said, so many books and podcasts. Nothing has impacted me the way that coaching has. I feel a much more grounded version of myself. I feel so much more empowered to live the life that I want to live. And I feel like I have the tools to make decisions that are aligned with who I am, with what I value, with what my priorities are, without the constant need or fear or obsession with getting someone else to validate that.
I also loved that coaching is so forward-focused. A lot of, I found that in some of my, the therapy that I've done, it's so hindsight and past-focused, which, you know, sometimes we do have to call on that to break lies and beliefs. And we did that. It's not that we shy away from the past, but I don't want to spend hours and hours and hours trying to sort out why my parents did X, Y, and Z. I just want to say, "How did that impact me? And how can I move forward?"
Kelle: Mmhmm. Yeah, therapy is so important. And actually, most of our clients get therapy or have gotten therapy. And now they feel, not good, but like they have dealt with that in a way that they can now look forward to the future and kind of write that next chapter.
Sarah: Exactly. Well, and absolutely. I think there is a time and a place, and I'm sure I'll be back in therapy, you know, throughout seasons of my life. It's just, I think what landed with you guys is just, yeah, that forward-focused approach that maybe was lacking in some of the other methodologies that I've worked on.
Nina: Yeah. Do you remember creating that future Sarah vision?
Sarah: 100%. Yes.
Nina: What do you do with that these days? Or where, what comes up?
Sarah: Yeah, I think that she's still there. And I think that often she shows up as an invitation to say, "In any given decision or situation, what is required of me today to move, you know, one step forward to that future version of me?" And I think she, I just see her kind of at the end of life, cheering me on.
There was this concept that we talked a lot about, about this gag and go concept, where when you have to sometimes make a decision, maybe for me, for example, it's a value of mine to leave at 3:30 to go pick my kids up at school. And I have the thought, "My employees are going to think that I am not a hard worker or that I don't deserve the success that we've achieved because I leave work early." And having to choose to act outside of how you're thinking and say, "I'm going to let them think that. I'm going to act in line with my beliefs, and I'm going to leave at 3:30 anyway."
It's that concept of gag and go. It doesn't feel good necessarily, feels gross, it feels nasty because you're still fighting those thoughts. But I picture future Sarah cheering me on, saying, "Yes! You lived in alignment just then with what your priorities were, and I'm proud of you!" And so, yeah, that's how she shows up.
Nina: If you can, you know, what do you believe about yourself now that maybe you didn't before six months of coaching?
Sarah: I can think of a specific session. One of the reasons why I had such an obsession of looking outside of myself for the answers is I didn't want to be prideful, thinking that I knew it all and had all the answers. And I didn't want to be so self-reliant that someone else's input couldn't impact me, or kind of that arrogant leader who isn't humble enough to see another opinion.
So now, I trust myself so much more to say, "I don't always have all the answers, but I have so much trust and faith in myself that I am capable of finding the right answers, and that I'm capable of making a decision that I believe is best in the moment. And even if the outcome isn't what I thought it would be, I am capable of making another decision to correct that or to move into another direction."
And so quitting this black-and-white thinking of like every decision is right or wrong, every move I make is right or wrong. And more so, just every step along the way is just a gray step. We don't know what it is, but we have the power to keep molding and making it as we go. So a lot more, I would say I've always been a pretty confident person in terms of what people would see of me, but the internal dialogue was just lacking so much confidence and so much self-assurance. I lacked self-assurance. And now, I just feel so much more self-assured. Like, it's okay. I got it. I can figure this out.
Nina: I might even call this self-trust.
Sarah: Yes.
Nina: You know? I think self-assurance is a cool way to put it too. I'm just going to lob some self-trust in there and dribble it on top of all that too. Yeah, totally. I mean, because no matter what happens, like, "I've got it. I'm going to figure it out." That's what I kind of think of as self-trust. And yeah, and it's not about the what-ifs. It's like, even if, even if that happens, we're going to figure it out. Really cool.
All right, Rockstar, what's next for Sarah? What is next?
Sarah: Oh, that is a good question. >
Nina: More, I'm sure. I'm sure, more.
Sarah: Yes. You know, more and also less. Just yeah, I mean, slowing down, enjoying the simple things in life, just being more in tune with when I'm going for that next trophy or that next award, and really asking myself, "Do I want that because I think that's what I should want? Or do I want that because that's what I really want?" And being at peace with whatever the answer is, and giving myself the permission to do either one, whatever I feel led to do.
But honestly, what I'm looking forward to in the next few years is giving myself permission to chill out a little bit. Not taking out the gas from the business standpoint, but finding more ways to relax, enjoy my family, enjoy my marriage, enjoy my friends. And, you know, not let work take over my entire life, but, you know, my work is there to provide a living so that you can actually live and enjoy the life that you worked so hard to create. Oh gosh, I have to...
Nina: That's awesome.
Sarah: I can't get away from it.
Kelle: Yeah, yeah.
Nina: Oh, that's awesome, Rockstar. Cool, cool. Gosh, your smile is everything. It's so good to see you.
Kelle: Yeah. Oh, so good to see you.
Sarah: You guys too.
Nina: Anything else, Kel? This was just lovely. We don't want to take up too much of your time, but it was lovely to see you and to chat with you.
Kelle: Anytime we get to spend more time with Sarah. Come on, she's amazing.
Nina: I know, amazing. Yeah. And anything you would want, you know, our listeners to hear that maybe we didn't cover today?
Sarah: No, I mean, I just, I looked forward to every single session. I think for anyone who's on the fence of, you know, "Oh, do I really want to make this investment in myself?" Not that, I mean, the gosh the value that you guys bring, it doesn't even feel like it's this large investment. Like the work that you guys do with me, basically, if anyone is on the fence, I would just say go for it. Like take a risk on yourself because, especially for business owners or entrepreneurs or, I mean, all the people who listen to you are probably career women, but you're going to make it, the investment up, you know, 10 times over with the clarity of mind that you're going to get. And I guess I'm kind of speechless when it comes to the fact that I, maybe for a second, was like, "Oh gosh, should I do this?" And my life was literally changed by the six months, and I'm so, so, so grateful.
Nina: Oh, that's awesome.
Kelle: Yeah. We're so grateful for you coming and investing in yourself, right? Because we need more powerful women running things.
Nina: Yeah, we need everyone out of survival mode, in their critical thinking, being badass. Yeah, make it, creating impact. That's exactly what we see in front of us right now. It's so cool, Sarah.
Kelle: Yeah.
Sarah: Thanks, guys. I'm so grateful.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Nina: You can ask us questions, get clarity, and get coached.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events, and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to KelleAndNina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit KelleAndNina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
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