31. Overcome Burnout by Being Intentional and Slowing Down: Burnout Mini-Series Part 3
Do you feel like you're constantly sprinting through life, moving from one thing to the next without ever slowing down? Are you wondering where the meaning and fulfillment are amidst all the busyness and stress? If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.
In the third part of our burnout mini-series, we dive into the importance of slowing down and being intentional in order to avoid burnout. If you're ready to break free from the cycle of burnout and discover a more purposeful, empowered way of living, this episode is for you.
Tune in this week to discover how rushing through life is leaving you feeling miserable, anxious, and disconnected from what truly matters. You’ll learn practical tips for calming your nervous system, being present in the moment, and questioning the rules and beliefs that have been keeping you stuck in survival mode for way too long.
Want more live access to us? Get on our email list where you can ask us questions, get coached, and be the first to know about trainings, events, and free coaching. Click here to sign up now!
If you need help finding balance and becoming unapologetically Ambitious-Ish, click here to book a free 60-minute consult to see if we’re a good match. Either you take all the awareness and value you get from the call with us and you can run with it, or you can coach with us for six months. That's two coaches for six months, and it's all about you.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
4 common situations that lead to a stress response in your body.
Why slowing down is essential for preventing burnout and finding more meaning in life.
How to notice when you're moving too fast and check in with yourself about why it's necessary.
The importance of being selective about the inputs and information you allow into your life.
How to prioritize your to-do list and distinguish between urgency and importance.
Practical techniques for grounding yourself in the present moment and calming your nervous system.
Why questioning the rules and beliefs you've set for yourself is key to breaking free from burnout.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Click here to follow, rate, and review the show. And if you love the show, don’t forget to share with someone you think will benefit!
Want to start ramping up your self-awareness so you’re on to yourself before Burnout fully takes over? Click here to get your free Burnout Alarm Bell Study Guide!
Let us know what you think of the show so far and what you’d like to hear more of or less of over on Instagram!
29. 5 Burnout Warning Signs Every Ambitious Woman Should Know: Burnout Mini-Series Part 1
30. Prevent Burnout by Completing Your Stress Cycle: Burnout Mini-Series Part 2
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
The Simpsons – TV show
Full Episode Transcript:
Nina: Welcome to the third episode of our burnout mini-series. You know what I’ve noticed most in looking back as I’ve cycled in and out of burnout, what has surprised me the most today?
Kelle: No, tell me.
Nina: I’m amazed at how much wiser I am about who I am, what’s important to me. I’m so much kinder to myself and to others, and now I walk through the world just in a softer way, still fully kind of empowered, but less pushing and shoving and proving.
Kelle: Yeah, I love that and it’s right along with what we’re talking about today. So, we’re talking about just that. We know first-hand, how frustrating, how exhausting and how disappointing it can feel to be in burnout. And we want to let you know you don’t have to continue to live this way in survival mode, day in and day out.
Nina: The thing about burnout is you may continue cycling in and out of it because you’ve practiced this way of being for so long. Listen, we know. and the way we live, society and capitalism and patriarchy are going to continue to tempt us with wanting more, needing more, with overconsumption and excess, with questioning our enough-ness and scarcity, with trying to keep up with guilt of not doing enough, with shame of doing things wrong or not perfect.
Kelle: Yeah, but what we’ve found is that there is more. There is more life and more fulfillment. There is more authenticity and more originality. There’s more empowerment and more self-trust, more connection, more love. There’s more purpose and more meaning.
Nina: Yeah, if you’re ready to see what’s possible for you moving forward, you are in the right place. Let’s get going. This is Ambitious-Ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I’m Kelle.
Nina: And I’m Nina. If you’re thinking I don’t have time to slow down, I’m already behind, I already have too many things on my plate on my list as it is. Think about your life for a sec, what it’s like to be on fast forward at all times, sprinting through life.
Kelle: I know for me that pace was making me miserable, making me wonder where the meaning is. I mean, if we’re sprinting from one thing to the next, from one interaction to the next, from one meeting to the next, from one project to the next, even enjoyable things like one trip to the next. I was just in Croatia with a bunch of friends, we went with nine other couples and I had the best experience. We had so much time to relax and explore and luxuriate and enjoy our time. We stayed on a boat and mountain biked on a different island each day. We swam in the sea.
We ate really delicious fresh food, took walks in these gorgeous little harbor villages. We tried all the gelato flavors in all the different gelato stands. And it’s really easy to come back home and dive back into work and the kids’ sports and all the stuff and leave it all in the rearview mirror and continue to march forward. And in the past, I totally would have done that.
Nina: Yeah, that okay, next, feeling where we just keep moving forward in life, being productive. It’s really easy to do and it’s so much harder to slow the pace of life and not just hop back on the treadmill. Today, we’re going to talk about slowing down. And listen, if you’re thinking, okay, they’re going to tell me to slow down, to do less, who has time for that? We’re going to make a case that slowing down doesn’t mean we’re not moving forward.
We want to suggest slowing down actually sets you up to be intentional and show up on purpose. This is kryptonite for autopilot in a way that you may have formerly been distracted and rushed.
Kelle: If you’re getting hives just thinking about slowing down, this is time to check in. When you rush and hurry, we’re just going to suggest that you potentially miss out on everything that’s happening right now in the moment. When you learn to feel safe slowing down and showing up with intention on purpose, you learn to like yourself more, to trust yourself more. You’re more connected with the people who are most important to you. You do better work. And I’m going to say that again. You actually do better work. You think more clearly.
Nina: Exactly. When we take time to slow down, it’s not that we’re necessarily even getting less done. We can be even more efficient because we’re checking in with what we’re doing, why we’re doing it and who we’re being along the way. We’re not on autopilot running our default programming, just going through the motions of life, ticking boxes at a pace that makes us miserable.
Kelle: Yeah, we had a client who coined the saying, frazzled and sweaty because that’s how she’d show up to almost every call. That’s how she felt daily moving through life, and she didn’t really want to feel that way anymore. That’s why she hired us. It was all of that unchecked stress she was putting on herself that led to her burnout. She wanted more meaning and more fulfillment. She wanted to feel better in her body. She wanted to be less anxious and stressed.
And we helped her learn how to calm her nervous system so she could actually still get everything done she needed to do, but she felt so much better along the way. She felt so much more ease in her day.
Nina: Yeah. When you notice you’re moving at a fast forward pace, you’ve got to check in. Why is it necessary to move so quickly? Where are you trying to get to? And where do you think you learned this need for speed, to move at a frantic pace? Where did you learn you needed to be more efficient and productive and why? Just take a moment and think about it for a sec.
Kelle: Okay, Nina, I want to talk about four common situations to bring this home that leads to a stress response. So, we talked a lot about stress responses and stressors in the last episode, episode number 30, so, it’s titled Prevent Burnout by Completing your Stress Cycle. That is the second episode in this mini burnout series so check that out. This is the third episode. So, these are situations that maybe you haven’t even considered that can lead to stress and may keep you unwittingly cycling in burnout. So, number one, it’s one more thing. So, this is getting one more thing done before we leave the house. Anyone relate?
Nina: Oh my God, I have to tell you about a Simpsons episode. If you’re not familiar with The Simpsons, Google it. But literally it’s the apocalypse in the episode, and Springfield is burning down. And Homer and Bart and Lisa and little baby, the Simpson, I forget her name. They’re all leaving the house and Marge is grabbing her purse and about to close the front door behind her. And she just looks at the camera and runs to the kitchen and grabs a sponge. And starts doing the countertops and putting the dishes away and literally the world is burning down. So that’s what this reminds me of, anyway.
Kelle: That is so funny. That is so funny. Yes. So, one more thing. So, getting one more thing done before we leave the house. Making one more call before we leave the office. I used to do this all the time. I would try to get the breakfast dishes done and the kitchen clean before getting the kids off to school. And we would inevitably be late nearly every day, and I would get all stressed. I would feel out of control if every light wasn’t green, I would stress even more. I would completely lose my shit, drop an F bomb or two.
All stressed out that the kids were getting late to school. It’s this rush of cortisol in my system surely didn’t help matters for the rest of the day. This was not the best way to start the day feeling frantic, in complete survival mode, and why? Because I wanted to get the breakfast dishes done. I still catch myself trying to complete things before I leave the house. And when I remember to check in, I realize it’s old conditioning. It’s old programming. And I can leave things undone. I can leave things unfinished or not even started.
And now I understand I can come back and do what I need to do later with so much more ease and lightness, keeping myself out of survival mode and out of burnout in the process.
Nina: It’s so funny when we retell these stories.
Kelle: Yeah. What?
Nina: Why did I do that? What was I thinking? So, the second scenario is no silence. So, this means having something in your ears and in your eyes at all times. Of course, we love listening to podcasts, that’s why you’re here, books on audible and streaming our favorite shows, checking in on social media. Where we want to check in, though, is if we have stimulation coming in at all times. We turn on a podcast to take a shower. This is just a suggestion. This is where you might want to check in, when you can’t have 10 minutes where you’re not bringing in some outside stimulation, some kind of input, plugging something in.
When we have to be watching or listening to something while we’re driving or doing things around the house, folding laundry, taking a walk. The thing is, we don’t need more information. We already have so much in our brains. We don’t know what to do with it all.
Kelle: Totally. Sometimes we keep the information coming in. We’re moving so fast because we’re trying to stay busy enough that we don’t need to think about the things that could make us feel discomfort or face the truth. We don’t want to admit it to ourselves.
Nina: Yeah, this reminds me of that quote in Untamed, this is by one of our queens, Glennon Doyle and it’s about snow globes. And actually, our clients reflect the snow globe metaphor a lot too. So, in the book, she says, “We’re like snow globes. We spend all of our time, energy, words and money creating a flurry, trying not to know, making sure that the snow doesn’t settle so we never have to face the fiery truth inside us, solid and unmoving.”
Kelle: Yeah, that’s so good. And if you haven’t read Untamed, make sure you check it out. This need for us to stay busy, stay moving because what might happen if we slow down, what might come up if we stop?
Nina: Yeah. So, this brings us to the third scenario here, the third situation that may unwittingly lead to a stress response is inputs. What kind of inputs are you allowing in? So, for me, I don’t watch the news. I’m pretty careful where I source daily information. I don’t want to hear about all the bad things that are happening in the world on repeat. I don’t love watching shows or movies where bad things happen to people. I just have friends that absolutely love true crime and I love them, my friends and have no judgments towards them at all, but I don’t want that in my brain.
My friends will start telling me what’s happening on the news or with the elections and in the polls and I’m like, “La, La, La, I don’t really want to hear it.”
Kelle: Same. I want to hear what’s relevant, what’s important, what’s helpful for me to know. Another thing I don’t want to hear is gossip. I’m just really not available for it. Sure, if it’s coming from a solid source, if information is coming from a solid source, and if it’s in the vein of helping, sure, tell me. But if it’s indulgent and not nice or not complimentary, I would rather not know. I don’t really need to know.
Nina: The same kind of goes for notifications. We can allow our lives to be full of texts and emails, the latest trends and sales. But turning off all this external noise and tuning into what’s happening in your life, in your body, in your mind, in the present moment will lead to more calm, more peace and more happiness.
Kelle: Totally. That reminds me of these recent studies that have shown that people are less happy when they’re not in the present moment. When they find themselves not in the present moment they’re not as happy. And it makes sense and it’s hard to be in the present moment when we’re constantly being pinged and bombarded with news and information that mostly isn’t even relevant to us.
And of course, we’re not saying put blinders on and pretend everything is only amazing and positive in the world, not at all. It’s checking in with yourself, seeing what’s true for you. What inputs do you want to bring in? What’s coming in now that’s draining your energy? And maybe it’s just even a little bit less of that.
Nina: Yeah, totally, okay. And the last situation or scenario we want to bring in is cramming way more than you can possibly do into one day. We all do this. How often do you notice you have a to-do list that could last into next week or even longer? Some things may have been on your list for days or weeks or even months. We actually help our clients do what we call results planning, where we take everything we need to get done, prioritize, delegate and delete things that no longer need to be on the list.
Kelle: Yeah, it’s figuring out what’s urgent, what absolutely needs to be done and what’s not urgent, what’s not important, maybe not even necessary.
Nina: Yeah. It’s the difference between urgency and importance. There’s a big difference. And we kind of help clients decipher between the two. Alright, let’s land this plane. We have had clients admit to us and to themselves, they don’t know how to walk slow. I can totally relate here. They only have one speed and it's always full steam ahead always. So, we power walk through our lives, keeping all the balls in the air, trying to keep a sense of control, which is fake. Believing if I just get it all done, if I just work a little more, a little harder, a little longer, then I can rest, then I’ll have some peace.
Kelle: Yeah, exactly what we want to offer is if you’re living life in fast forward, if you’re hustling and sprinting, is it worth it? Is that why we’re here on Earth? Is that your purpose, to move as fast as you can possibly move, to achieve and push? What if you allowed yourself to slow down, to take a few breaths, to enjoy this moment, to have peace now? Because this is your life. You don’t have to kill yourself to get the next promotion or the next milestone, a bigger house or a bigger number in the bank account before you actually allow yourself to enjoy the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: Trying to control everything has still left us feeling out of control and it’s left us exhausted, our nervous systems shot, our bodies shutting down.
Kelle: Yeah, a life lived on fast forward can’t be worth it.
Nina: So as with anything, awareness is key here. We have to notice when we’re sprinting, why we’re on fast forward and what we’re hustling for. Just how much are you white knuckling through your day? Where are you striving and pushing and believing you’re minutes away from it all falling apart if you don’t stay vigilant and keep going?
Kelle: Yeah, I’ve been there. And bringing in awareness, can you begin to pay attention when you’re rushing? And when you notice, can you remind yourself to feel your feet on the ground, feel the breath coming into your body, be present in the moment? This moment of grounding and being present is the start of calming your nervous system down. Take a breath in and then see if you can elongate the exhale, make the exhale even longer than the inhale. And then look around and name what you can see. So yes, say it out loud. This is called orienting, so just noticing and naming what you see in your space or outside. Nina, can you do it for us?
Nina: Yeah. For me, I see trees, oh, my gosh, and they’re so colorful and amazing right now here in Park City. Flowers, outdoor furniture, my car in the driveway, my kids’ bikes, a swing set, more trees, more flowerpots, a lamp, some garbage that needs to be picked up. But this is where we begin. This is how we come back to the present moment. Do you see, I’m putting pressure on myself right now to go pick up that garbage? No, stay present.
This is how we come back to ourselves, to reconnect with ourselves. When we’re always go, go, going, we lose sight of the meaning in it all. When we’re in survival mode chronically, we’re not creative, compassionate, or thoughtful. We can’t explore new ideas or dive into discovery. We lose our sense of purpose on top of feeling exhausted, cynical and overwhelmed on the daily. It’s a very stuck place to be, and you’re not alone if you’re feeling it.
Kelle: Yeah, but we can help. And at the root of all your actions, are thoughts and beliefs, rules really that you set for yourself typically, at a really young age, seven or before, which is so crazy. And what we need to do is carefully and gently question the rules you’ve written and then rewrite them, update them so they apply today and help you move towards the things you want to create in your life instead of what’s holding you back.
Nina: Yes, lifelong rule followers, are you sweating here? This is where we’ll go next week in the fourth episode of our burnout mini-series. It’s all about over-responsibility or what Kelle and I sometimes call toxic responsibility. Our brains take way too much responsibility for things we can’t control, because that’s literally what society has taught us to do.
Kelle: Yeah, maybe you can relate, join us next week on Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: Alright, that’s all for today. Thanks for being here.
Kelle: Yeah, thanks so much for being here. See you next time.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Nina: You can ask us questions, get clarity and get coached.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to kelleandnina.com. That’s K E L L E and nina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit https://www.kelleandnina.com/ for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Kelle: No, tell me.
Nina: I’m amazed at how much wiser I am about who I am, what’s important to me. I’m so much kinder to myself and to others, and now I walk through the world just in a softer way, still fully kind of empowered, but less pushing and shoving and proving.
Kelle: Yeah, I love that and it’s right along with what we’re talking about today. So, we’re talking about just that. We know first-hand, how frustrating, how exhausting and how disappointing it can feel to be in burnout. And we want to let you know you don’t have to continue to live this way in survival mode, day in and day out.
Nina: The thing about burnout is you may continue cycling in and out of it because you’ve practiced this way of being for so long. Listen, we know. and the way we live, society and capitalism and patriarchy are going to continue to tempt us with wanting more, needing more, with overconsumption and excess, with questioning our enough-ness and scarcity, with trying to keep up with guilt of not doing enough, with shame of doing things wrong or not perfect.
Kelle: Yeah, but what we’ve found is that there is more. There is more life and more fulfillment. There is more authenticity and more originality. There’s more empowerment and more self-trust, more connection, more love. There’s more purpose and more meaning.
Nina: Yeah, if you’re ready to see what’s possible for you moving forward, you are in the right place. Let’s get going. This is Ambitious-Ish.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I’m Kelle.
Nina: And I’m Nina. If you’re thinking I don’t have time to slow down, I’m already behind, I already have too many things on my plate on my list as it is. Think about your life for a sec, what it’s like to be on fast forward at all times, sprinting through life.
Kelle: I know for me that pace was making me miserable, making me wonder where the meaning is. I mean, if we’re sprinting from one thing to the next, from one interaction to the next, from one meeting to the next, from one project to the next, even enjoyable things like one trip to the next. I was just in Croatia with a bunch of friends, we went with nine other couples and I had the best experience. We had so much time to relax and explore and luxuriate and enjoy our time. We stayed on a boat and mountain biked on a different island each day. We swam in the sea.
We ate really delicious fresh food, took walks in these gorgeous little harbor villages. We tried all the gelato flavors in all the different gelato stands. And it’s really easy to come back home and dive back into work and the kids’ sports and all the stuff and leave it all in the rearview mirror and continue to march forward. And in the past, I totally would have done that.
Nina: Yeah, that okay, next, feeling where we just keep moving forward in life, being productive. It’s really easy to do and it’s so much harder to slow the pace of life and not just hop back on the treadmill. Today, we’re going to talk about slowing down. And listen, if you’re thinking, okay, they’re going to tell me to slow down, to do less, who has time for that? We’re going to make a case that slowing down doesn’t mean we’re not moving forward.
We want to suggest slowing down actually sets you up to be intentional and show up on purpose. This is kryptonite for autopilot in a way that you may have formerly been distracted and rushed.
Kelle: If you’re getting hives just thinking about slowing down, this is time to check in. When you rush and hurry, we’re just going to suggest that you potentially miss out on everything that’s happening right now in the moment. When you learn to feel safe slowing down and showing up with intention on purpose, you learn to like yourself more, to trust yourself more. You’re more connected with the people who are most important to you. You do better work. And I’m going to say that again. You actually do better work. You think more clearly.
Nina: Exactly. When we take time to slow down, it’s not that we’re necessarily even getting less done. We can be even more efficient because we’re checking in with what we’re doing, why we’re doing it and who we’re being along the way. We’re not on autopilot running our default programming, just going through the motions of life, ticking boxes at a pace that makes us miserable.
Kelle: Yeah, we had a client who coined the saying, frazzled and sweaty because that’s how she’d show up to almost every call. That’s how she felt daily moving through life, and she didn’t really want to feel that way anymore. That’s why she hired us. It was all of that unchecked stress she was putting on herself that led to her burnout. She wanted more meaning and more fulfillment. She wanted to feel better in her body. She wanted to be less anxious and stressed.
And we helped her learn how to calm her nervous system so she could actually still get everything done she needed to do, but she felt so much better along the way. She felt so much more ease in her day.
Nina: Yeah. When you notice you’re moving at a fast forward pace, you’ve got to check in. Why is it necessary to move so quickly? Where are you trying to get to? And where do you think you learned this need for speed, to move at a frantic pace? Where did you learn you needed to be more efficient and productive and why? Just take a moment and think about it for a sec.
Kelle: Okay, Nina, I want to talk about four common situations to bring this home that leads to a stress response. So, we talked a lot about stress responses and stressors in the last episode, episode number 30, so, it’s titled Prevent Burnout by Completing your Stress Cycle. That is the second episode in this mini burnout series so check that out. This is the third episode. So, these are situations that maybe you haven’t even considered that can lead to stress and may keep you unwittingly cycling in burnout. So, number one, it’s one more thing. So, this is getting one more thing done before we leave the house. Anyone relate?
Nina: Oh my God, I have to tell you about a Simpsons episode. If you’re not familiar with The Simpsons, Google it. But literally it’s the apocalypse in the episode, and Springfield is burning down. And Homer and Bart and Lisa and little baby, the Simpson, I forget her name. They’re all leaving the house and Marge is grabbing her purse and about to close the front door behind her. And she just looks at the camera and runs to the kitchen and grabs a sponge. And starts doing the countertops and putting the dishes away and literally the world is burning down. So that’s what this reminds me of, anyway.
Kelle: That is so funny. That is so funny. Yes. So, one more thing. So, getting one more thing done before we leave the house. Making one more call before we leave the office. I used to do this all the time. I would try to get the breakfast dishes done and the kitchen clean before getting the kids off to school. And we would inevitably be late nearly every day, and I would get all stressed. I would feel out of control if every light wasn’t green, I would stress even more. I would completely lose my shit, drop an F bomb or two.
All stressed out that the kids were getting late to school. It’s this rush of cortisol in my system surely didn’t help matters for the rest of the day. This was not the best way to start the day feeling frantic, in complete survival mode, and why? Because I wanted to get the breakfast dishes done. I still catch myself trying to complete things before I leave the house. And when I remember to check in, I realize it’s old conditioning. It’s old programming. And I can leave things undone. I can leave things unfinished or not even started.
And now I understand I can come back and do what I need to do later with so much more ease and lightness, keeping myself out of survival mode and out of burnout in the process.
Nina: It’s so funny when we retell these stories.
Kelle: Yeah. What?
Nina: Why did I do that? What was I thinking? So, the second scenario is no silence. So, this means having something in your ears and in your eyes at all times. Of course, we love listening to podcasts, that’s why you’re here, books on audible and streaming our favorite shows, checking in on social media. Where we want to check in, though, is if we have stimulation coming in at all times. We turn on a podcast to take a shower. This is just a suggestion. This is where you might want to check in, when you can’t have 10 minutes where you’re not bringing in some outside stimulation, some kind of input, plugging something in.
When we have to be watching or listening to something while we’re driving or doing things around the house, folding laundry, taking a walk. The thing is, we don’t need more information. We already have so much in our brains. We don’t know what to do with it all.
Kelle: Totally. Sometimes we keep the information coming in. We’re moving so fast because we’re trying to stay busy enough that we don’t need to think about the things that could make us feel discomfort or face the truth. We don’t want to admit it to ourselves.
Nina: Yeah, this reminds me of that quote in Untamed, this is by one of our queens, Glennon Doyle and it’s about snow globes. And actually, our clients reflect the snow globe metaphor a lot too. So, in the book, she says, “We’re like snow globes. We spend all of our time, energy, words and money creating a flurry, trying not to know, making sure that the snow doesn’t settle so we never have to face the fiery truth inside us, solid and unmoving.”
Kelle: Yeah, that’s so good. And if you haven’t read Untamed, make sure you check it out. This need for us to stay busy, stay moving because what might happen if we slow down, what might come up if we stop?
Nina: Yeah. So, this brings us to the third scenario here, the third situation that may unwittingly lead to a stress response is inputs. What kind of inputs are you allowing in? So, for me, I don’t watch the news. I’m pretty careful where I source daily information. I don’t want to hear about all the bad things that are happening in the world on repeat. I don’t love watching shows or movies where bad things happen to people. I just have friends that absolutely love true crime and I love them, my friends and have no judgments towards them at all, but I don’t want that in my brain.
My friends will start telling me what’s happening on the news or with the elections and in the polls and I’m like, “La, La, La, I don’t really want to hear it.”
Kelle: Same. I want to hear what’s relevant, what’s important, what’s helpful for me to know. Another thing I don’t want to hear is gossip. I’m just really not available for it. Sure, if it’s coming from a solid source, if information is coming from a solid source, and if it’s in the vein of helping, sure, tell me. But if it’s indulgent and not nice or not complimentary, I would rather not know. I don’t really need to know.
Nina: The same kind of goes for notifications. We can allow our lives to be full of texts and emails, the latest trends and sales. But turning off all this external noise and tuning into what’s happening in your life, in your body, in your mind, in the present moment will lead to more calm, more peace and more happiness.
Kelle: Totally. That reminds me of these recent studies that have shown that people are less happy when they’re not in the present moment. When they find themselves not in the present moment they’re not as happy. And it makes sense and it’s hard to be in the present moment when we’re constantly being pinged and bombarded with news and information that mostly isn’t even relevant to us.
And of course, we’re not saying put blinders on and pretend everything is only amazing and positive in the world, not at all. It’s checking in with yourself, seeing what’s true for you. What inputs do you want to bring in? What’s coming in now that’s draining your energy? And maybe it’s just even a little bit less of that.
Nina: Yeah, totally, okay. And the last situation or scenario we want to bring in is cramming way more than you can possibly do into one day. We all do this. How often do you notice you have a to-do list that could last into next week or even longer? Some things may have been on your list for days or weeks or even months. We actually help our clients do what we call results planning, where we take everything we need to get done, prioritize, delegate and delete things that no longer need to be on the list.
Kelle: Yeah, it’s figuring out what’s urgent, what absolutely needs to be done and what’s not urgent, what’s not important, maybe not even necessary.
Nina: Yeah. It’s the difference between urgency and importance. There’s a big difference. And we kind of help clients decipher between the two. Alright, let’s land this plane. We have had clients admit to us and to themselves, they don’t know how to walk slow. I can totally relate here. They only have one speed and it's always full steam ahead always. So, we power walk through our lives, keeping all the balls in the air, trying to keep a sense of control, which is fake. Believing if I just get it all done, if I just work a little more, a little harder, a little longer, then I can rest, then I’ll have some peace.
Kelle: Yeah, exactly what we want to offer is if you’re living life in fast forward, if you’re hustling and sprinting, is it worth it? Is that why we’re here on Earth? Is that your purpose, to move as fast as you can possibly move, to achieve and push? What if you allowed yourself to slow down, to take a few breaths, to enjoy this moment, to have peace now? Because this is your life. You don’t have to kill yourself to get the next promotion or the next milestone, a bigger house or a bigger number in the bank account before you actually allow yourself to enjoy the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: Trying to control everything has still left us feeling out of control and it’s left us exhausted, our nervous systems shot, our bodies shutting down.
Kelle: Yeah, a life lived on fast forward can’t be worth it.
Nina: So as with anything, awareness is key here. We have to notice when we’re sprinting, why we’re on fast forward and what we’re hustling for. Just how much are you white knuckling through your day? Where are you striving and pushing and believing you’re minutes away from it all falling apart if you don’t stay vigilant and keep going?
Kelle: Yeah, I’ve been there. And bringing in awareness, can you begin to pay attention when you’re rushing? And when you notice, can you remind yourself to feel your feet on the ground, feel the breath coming into your body, be present in the moment? This moment of grounding and being present is the start of calming your nervous system down. Take a breath in and then see if you can elongate the exhale, make the exhale even longer than the inhale. And then look around and name what you can see. So yes, say it out loud. This is called orienting, so just noticing and naming what you see in your space or outside. Nina, can you do it for us?
Nina: Yeah. For me, I see trees, oh, my gosh, and they’re so colorful and amazing right now here in Park City. Flowers, outdoor furniture, my car in the driveway, my kids’ bikes, a swing set, more trees, more flowerpots, a lamp, some garbage that needs to be picked up. But this is where we begin. This is how we come back to the present moment. Do you see, I’m putting pressure on myself right now to go pick up that garbage? No, stay present.
This is how we come back to ourselves, to reconnect with ourselves. When we’re always go, go, going, we lose sight of the meaning in it all. When we’re in survival mode chronically, we’re not creative, compassionate, or thoughtful. We can’t explore new ideas or dive into discovery. We lose our sense of purpose on top of feeling exhausted, cynical and overwhelmed on the daily. It’s a very stuck place to be, and you’re not alone if you’re feeling it.
Kelle: Yeah, but we can help. And at the root of all your actions, are thoughts and beliefs, rules really that you set for yourself typically, at a really young age, seven or before, which is so crazy. And what we need to do is carefully and gently question the rules you’ve written and then rewrite them, update them so they apply today and help you move towards the things you want to create in your life instead of what’s holding you back.
Nina: Yes, lifelong rule followers, are you sweating here? This is where we’ll go next week in the fourth episode of our burnout mini-series. It’s all about over-responsibility or what Kelle and I sometimes call toxic responsibility. Our brains take way too much responsibility for things we can’t control, because that’s literally what society has taught us to do.
Kelle: Yeah, maybe you can relate, join us next week on Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: Alright, that’s all for today. Thanks for being here.
Kelle: Yeah, thanks so much for being here. See you next time.
Nina: Hey everyone, if you want more live access to me and Kelle, you have to join our email list.
Kelle: Yes, we’ll come to your email box every Tuesday and Thursday.
Nina: You can ask us questions, get clarity and get coached.
Kelle: We offer monthly free email coaching when you’re on our list and you’re the first to know about trainings, events and other free coaching opportunities.
Nina: Just go to kelleandnina.com. That’s K E L L E and nina.com to sign up.
Kelle: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit https://www.kelleandnina.com/ for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!