17. A New Way To Think about Productivity
Summer is here, which means school is out, the promise of warm weather, vacations, and a time when many of us feel like we can finally enjoy the lives we work so hard to create all year long. However, just because it’s summer, doesn’t mean the work stops, and that’s why we’re diving into the topic of productivity this week.
If the term ‘productivity’ brings to mind systems, workflows, and various planners that you have to navigate, and it all feels too overwhelming, you’re not alone. However, if you’re on the other end of the spectrum where you wonder how you can be even more productive than you already are, you’re not alone either. But increased productivity actually isn’t about being more organized or efficient. The secret? It’s all in your mindset.
Join us this week to learn about the mindset of increased productivity and why systems and time-management practices can only get you so far. We show you how big emotions like anxiety, overwhelm, and anger reduce your productivity, two ways you can begin increasing your productivity, and the importance of learning when you don’t need to be productive.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why we all feel the need to be more productive.
The biggest thing getting in your way of being productive.
How anxiety reduces your productivity.
One question that will help you find useful thoughts in challenging moments.
How big emotions like anxiety, overwhelm, or anger cloud your thinking.
2 ways to increase your productivity.
The importance of understanding when you don’t need to be productive.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Kelle: We’re already well into June as we’re recording this today. Can you believe it, the warm weather is here? This is what so many of us, especially summer babies like us, have been looking forward to all year long.
Nina: Especially Kelle Cobble. But just because school is out, just because people go on vacation during the summer, it doesn’t mean the work stops. Are we right? We all still have plenty to do. That’s why today we’re talking about productivity.
Kelle: Yeah, we’re going deep into what’s standing in your way of getting it all done. And we’re going to let you in on how to be even more productive so you can finish what you need and actually enjoy the summer and the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: And if you’re thinking there’s no way I can be even more productive than I am, this one’s for you. Are you ready?
Kelle: Alright, let’s go.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I’m Kelle.
Nina: And I’m Nina. When people hear productivity, they think there must be some system, a special planner, time blocking. Time blocking is a big one, a scheduling app, a morning routine, the latest book on eight hour work weeks. Something they just haven’t figured out yet, that once they do this thing they’ll be more productive.
Kelle: Yeah. And of course, when you work with us in our six month coaching program, we have a time and energy management system we share with our clients. It’s called Your Results Plan where we get rid of your to-do list and learn how to schedule your results. So not your to-do’s, but what results are you actually going to create?
Nina: Yeah. We’ll have to tee that up for another episode because it’s so useful. And today we’re talking about more of the mental aspects, the mindset of increasing productivity. Because of course, you can have systems that help you be more organized and efficient and have better workflows, but that can only get you so far if you don’t first manage your mind, think more clearly with greater clarity and killer follow through.
Kelle: And this is really important because one of the biggest issues the women we work with bring up is not having enough time. And really it’s the inability to put your attention and energy where you want to, where they want to. So, on their kids, on their family, having time to do what you want to be doing, going for bike rides with your friends, taking time to go to summer concerts, splashing in the water with your kids, I mean, just being outside. We’re going to come back to this idea of productivity and why we all feel the need to be so productive in the first place in a bit. So, hold that thought.
Nina: Yeah. First, let’s talk about being more productive. The biggest thing we see getting in the way of productivity is your brain and more specifically, anxiety. When we talk about anxiety, that is really about going to the future and the what ifs, the what if stories, what might happen, worrying and feeling uncertain.
Kelle: And when we’re feeling this way, we also end up feeling overwhelmed and frantic and our personal favorite, frazzled and sweaty and unfocused, none of which leads to our best work.
Nina: So, let’s talk about how anxiety reduces your productivity. When we’re feeling anxious, we’ll do anything to avoid what we think is making us feel the anxiety.
Kelle: You procrastinate, you do anything but the actual thing you need to do. As I was putting the outline together for this episode, I found myself wanting to pay some bills, do the dishes, book a hotel room for a last minute beach trip my sister and I are going on next week. Anything to not do what I should be doing, what I needed to do. You also perfectionate, which I think I just made that word up, which is also a way to avoid because we’re all perfectionists when it comes to something in our lives. High achievers, we covered this in episode 16, all about perfectionism, so go back and check it out if you haven’t yet.
Nina: Yeah. When we’re feeling anxious, we avoid what we’re feeling anxious about. So, if you’re feeling anxious about having that conversation you know you need to have, that conversation with the CEO about the lack of resources your team has to get that project completed. You might put it off, we’re guessing. If you’re feeling anxious about making that call to your client, you might check Instagram instead of making that call. If you’re anxious about being alone in the same room with your mother-in-law, you might go check the pantry for a snack.
Kelle: I don’t know anything about that one. If you’re feeling anxious about your work or what you have to do, your brain will want to avoid it. And if you’re avoiding what you need to do, this is obviously going to decrease your productivity. Another way anxiety reduces productivity, when you’re anxious, you don’t think as clearly. When you’re experiencing anxiety we believe the thoughts and stories our brain makes up.
Nina: Please don’t believe these thoughts. We had a client years ago, she worked for a tech startup. It was time for annual reviews, and she was anxious about getting appropriate compensation for not just herself, but her team. She was taking on more than she could handle. She was anticipating the crazy amount of work she was going to have moving forward. She was kind of obsessing and going over different scenarios that could happen if the compensation wasn’t there. And she was just emotionally reactive and wondered if she should be looking for another job.
Kelle: As it was, she already didn’t have the time and energy to spend the way that she wanted to with her two daughters. She was in a state of panic, overwhelm, ruminating on how life wasn’t fair, how the company she worked for wasn’t fair, how everything was a battle.
Nina: Yeah, while all that was happening she wasn’t making progress on what actually needed to get done. She wasn’t being productive, and it was all such an energy drain. She was letting that anxiety cloud her ability to just think clearly, to be productive, to start and complete the projects at the office, and to actually enjoy the life she worked so hard to create.
Kelle: Yeah, here’s what she was experiencing first hand. See if this resonates for you. As we like to say, when emotion is high, intellect drops. When we humans have really big feelings, especially negative feelings like anxiety or overwhelm or anger, we’re less rational. We’re more likely to say something we may regret later or fly off the handle. The anxiety she was feeling, the big emotions she was experiencing were clouding her thinking and getting in the way of staying cool and calm under pressure, of staying cool and calm under the pressure she was experiencing.
Nina: Yeah. What we helped her see is it wasn’t the annual reviews that were making her feel anxious. It wasn’t even the possible lack of company resources or available compensation. It was her thoughts about them, her main thought, what we landed on was, I’m not going to find something else. That thought was creating her anxiety. Her brain was future tripping that she had to make this work. This position in this company was her only option. Her brain was giving her just that one option.
Kelle: Yeah. If she wanted to reduce her anxiety she had to change her thoughts. Remember, your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings drive all the action or inaction, which is avoidance, you do. And that action or lack of, creates your results. The thoughts she was having were creating the anxious feelings that sent her into a spiral and into survival mode. And if you haven’t checked out episode nine, How To Get Out of Survival Mode, yet, make sure you go back and check that out too. Okay, that survival mode, that was making her obsess and worry and ruminate and not be productive.
Nina: Yeah, because when you’re in survival, your nervous system automatically tells your brain to constantly be on alert for threats real or imagined. Your mind is going a million miles an hour. You run around like a chicken with your head cut off and you can’t think as clearly. You’re more reactive and you feel stressed physically and emotionally. And that thought, I’m not going to find anything else was creating her anxiety and her lack of productivity. She was so focused on the problem, on what might happen, it was impossible for her to come up with solutions, with other options.
She was so worried about the amount of work, the lack of appropriate compensation. She was taking the pressure off her team by taking on more than she could handle and not getting the work done, which was making the situation even worse.
Kelle: If she wanted to be more productive, she had to reduce her anxiety and get to a place where she could feel more calm. And the best way to do that, we talk about this all the time, she had to change her thoughts. So just remember, when you think thoughts like, this is my only option, or I don’t know how I’m going to get this all done, or I don’t know how to do this, or I don’t want to fail, or I have to get this right.
Nina: Or they’re going to think I can’t do it. I’m going to look like I don’t know what I’m doing, or I can’t handle it or I’m not a good doctor or lawyer, business owner or real estate agent, I’m not good at what I do. What you’re doing is you’re putting yourself in a position of fear, of feeling some flavor of afraid, which sets off that survival mode cascade as if you were being chased by a tiger.
Kelle: And if you haven’t done this work, if you haven’t learned how to look at your thinking and how it drives what you’re feeling, you won’t recognize the thought or thoughts that are creating that anxiety. You’ll think it’s because of the situation or the circumstance. You’ll think it’s because of the upcoming reviews and the lack of company resources. When really the only reason you’re feeling anxious is because of how you’re thinking.
Nina: We had a client text us while we were putting this episode together and this exact thing happened. Someone in the parent company made a comment about how she runs her business, and it sent her into a spiral. We hopped on a quick spot coaching session with her, which is what we call a quick 20 minute call we offer clients between sessions in our six month coaching program. And once we went through the situation and identified the thought that was making her feel anxious, we were able to find a better feeling thought for her.
After the call, she felt more calm, more grounded. She was able to think more rationally, be more productive so that she could finish her work and be ready to enjoy her weekend with her family.
Kelle: So, the first way to increase your productivity is to reduce your anxiety and get to a place where you feel calm, clear, and focused so that you can actually be efficient and get your work done. And in order to do that, you have to figure out what you’re thinking that’s making you feel anxious. And then you have to change those thoughts, find a better feeling thought that’s believable for you. This is totally simple and doable once you know how but it’s not always easy, it takes practice.
Nina: Simple, but not easy. Once you know how to do this, once you know how to identify the thought that’s making you feel anxious, in this case, but really, we can identify any thought which is making you feel any negative feeling you don’t want to feel. When you practice over and over, you become the person that can feel calm, centered, and empowered in any situation. The easiest way to find the thought, the sentence in your brain that’s making you feel anxious is to ask yourself, what am I anxious about?
Take out a piece of paper and write down everything that comes to you on why you’re anxious. And then take a look at the thoughts and identify the one that’s the most un-useful as we like to say, the one that’s not helpful moving you forward, it’s keeping you stuck. Going back to that client that was worried about reviews and lack of company resources, she was thinking, I’m not going to find anything else.
Kelle: Alright. And then next, we find a new thought. One question we love to find a new thought is to ask the question, how is that not true? And when you go to answer this question for yourself, notice your brain immediately goes to, but it is true. This is where people tend to get stuck. The problem is you believe these thoughts and practice them for so long, your brain thinks they’re true. That’s just how it is, that this is just how it is. This is when we get patient, we stay open and get curious. And then write down all the reasons why it’s not true.
Nina: So that thought, I’m not going to find anything else, in answering how it’s not true, our client wrote down her past experience in her field, how she climbed the ranks and became director. All the qualifications she has. What qualities she has that make her good at what she does, all of it, keep asking what else, what else. And as you write and remind yourself how qualified you are, that you do actually know what you’re doing. You’re showing your brain all the evidence that you could find something else if you wanted. It’s very reassuring.
You’re kind of self-coaching here, that you are capable of this and so much more. You’re able to calm down even when you have tough days, unhappy clients, and unhelpful CEOs. So, a new thought for her was, I’m good at what I do. I can be successful here or somewhere else. She also came up with, I always figure it out. And then also my reputation is not dependent on what happens in this one position.
Kelle: Yeah, so good. I love that one. And remember, your thought has to be believable. It’s not, find the best feeling thought ever like I’m the best at what I do in the world and they’re stupid if they don’t see it. No. You just have to find the thought that feels better than the original thought. You’ll know you believe it if you think the thought and feel better. And if it makes you feel better, even slightly better, that’s a thought you can think on purpose and practice. When you practice a new thought over and over, it becomes a new belief for you. This is one of the ways we work with our clients to rewire their brains.
Nina: If you have a hard time trying this and putting it into practice, it’s not because you can’t do it. It’s just because this is a new skill and sometimes it takes a minute to learn a new skill. We don’t have mastery right away. So, if you want help to see how this works in your life, sign up for a free consultation with us. Bring us your pain points, bring us your circumstances and we’ll spread it all out and take a look with you in a free consultation. Just go to kelleandnina.com/schedule and you’ll go straight to our calendar to schedule a consultation.
Kelle: Okay, so coming up with a new thought you believe that reduces your anxiety and increases your productivity is one of the best ways to increase that productivity. Let’s talk about another way to increase your productivity. And stay with us because when we first tell people this, they don’t like it. It’s not even that they don’t like it, they just don’t even believe it, they don’t get it, it’s like what? Okay, are you ready? You have to do less. You have to stop trying to be productive all the time.
Nina: This is about being productive when it counts, when you need to be productive, when you want to be productive, when you decide on purpose to be productive at work or at home when you need to get things done. This does not mean 24/7 365. And listen, we get it, we were both raised to be productive, to be going all the time. If we aren’t being productive every waking moment of the day, something must be wrong with us, the L word comes to mind, right, Kel, lazy?
Kelle: Oh, yeah.
Nina: And for many of us in the US, growing up with this belief of the American dream that if you work hard enough, you can do anything.
Kelle: My mom told me that, for sure all the time and I believed her, and it served me for so long until it didn’t. So, you work hard and you’re productive all day at work, but then you go home and there’s always something to do at home too. Run the kids around, do the laundry, make dinner, grocery shop, pay the bills, call the internet company, plan the vacation, make a doctor’s appointment, order the soccer uniforms. And if you’re wondering, yeah, this all just came from my personal calendar.
Nina: Working hard, being productive, ticking boxes and accomplishing is so ingrained in us, especially as women, but you may hear this and it doesn’t even land for you. We’re resistant to doing less because if we don’t get it all done, what does that mean about us? Here comes the mean girl, our inner mean girl. Are we lazy? Have we failed? Can we not do it? Of course not rock stars.
Kelle: Being more productive 24/7, 365 does not make you a better person. It doesn’t make you more whole or more worthy to get more done. And if you’ve been someone who all your life, you’ve gotten more done than the average person, you’ve accomplished more than most people, that’s amazing. And look how far it’s gotten you. And if you want to go big, if you want to show yourself what you’re truly capable of, what has gotten you to this point isn’t going to get you to where you want to go next.
Nina: Totally. You have to learn how to do it differently, to be more productive when it counts and to understand when you don’t need to be productive. Give yourself that permission, when you actually need to let yourself rest and recharge, to fill your cup so that when the time comes and you need to be productive again, you can go all out. If you’re like the Energizer bunny, you know who you are, if you are the type of person that goes all day and doesn’t sit down, you don’t even know how to relax, doing less is not going to feel good at first. We need to underline that. This is going to feel hard. You may have guilt that you’re not doing enough. Your brain will tell you you should be doing more.
Kelle: Yeah, you may feel shame, if you don’t get it all done, you’ve failed in some way, there must be something wrong with you. And just so you know, the difference between those two, guilt and shame. Guilt is, I’ve done something wrong. Shame is, there’s something wrong with me. Neither feel good and both drain your energy.
Nina: Yeah. When you’re judging yourself in this way you will never feel good enough, no matter what you accomplish, it will never be enough. And it’s true, especially today you could always be working. We know this as entrepreneurs personally, there is always something else we could be doing. And if you think this way, if you tell yourself this on repeat that you should be productive all the time, if you believe what we’ve been saying about the virtues and value of hard work 24/7. It takes time and presence to unwind these patterns, these stories.
Kelle: Yeah, this is really the Jedi move. This is the mastery of learning how to do less. So, if you believe everything your brain tells you, you’re in for a lot of suffering in your life. When you’re able to become aware of these patterns for yourself and understand why you believe what you believe about productivity. When you notice the thoughts like I should be doing more and you’re able to notice when you feel guilty for not working constantly, you actually become more productive when it counts.
Nina: So, on that note, we would love to offer you a thought to practice. When you find yourself needing to rest but feel guilty, think this thought, I’ll be more productive if I give myself some time to rest.
Kelle: Yeah, practice this, rest, relax and recharge. Take the time you need to fill your cup. For me right now that looks like sitting poolside with a book or a friend, hopping on my mountain bike, hitting one of my favorite breakfast spots or laying in the grass in the sun, watching the bees pollinate the garden with my kids. Okay, to be honest, that one’s two minutes then the kids are gone, they’re out of there. Okay, what about you, Nina?
Nina: That sounds amazing. I’ll join you poolside later today Kel.
Kelle: Do it.
Nina: Yeah. For me this is alone time, runs and bike rides on the trails here in Park City. I love meditation and reading. I also love yard work. Sort of sound like a senior citizen here, and that’s okay. This is what we mean when we say you have to do less to do more. It’s so hard for many of us to feel okay taking any time off. For some of us, it’s hard to not be working and doing. For some of us, we’re okay taking a break from work as long as we’re training for that next bike race or marathon or something else really hardcore.
But when you notice your brain is thinking, I should be doing more, notice that it doesn’t actually motivate you to do more. It actually feels kind of crappy.
Kelle: And whether you’re feeling anxiety, shame, or guilt, none of these actually make you more productive. When you’re trying to work, when you’re feeling any of these, you end up partially working, distracting yourself with food or scrolling social media or whatever flavor of buffering or numbing is for you.
Nina: Yeah, if you’re taking time off, but then you’re checking your work email or you have to take this one call, you’re not really taking time off. We get it, some of you have positions where you feel you have to be available and responsive for clients, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take one hour off and relax or go for a walk with your dog or a friend for 20 minutes. Start small with this. Don’t try to take a whole day off if you don’t usually do that. See if you can take Sunday morning off and not check your phone until 10. Decide ahead of time. Or take a break for 30 minutes in the middle of the day.
Or if you’re in the office all day, close your eyes and rest for three minutes. We have a client who actually got on the floor and put her feet up in her chair for 15 minutes the other day. It’s amazing.
Kelle: Yeah, love it. Okay, so choose a small amount of time and actually allow your body and your brain to relax. Remember that thought we offered, I’ll be more productive if I give myself time to rest. Practice this thought, you have to actually practice it over and over again, put it on stickies, put it in your phone. Your brain is going to want to serve up thoughts that make you feel anxious, those old thoughts that you’ve practiced for a long time, and then you feel the guilt and shame.
You have to remind yourself, you’re unwinding these old stories and patterns, thoughts, and beliefs so that you can be more productive when it counts and actually enjoy the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: How much you do has nothing to do with your value or worth as a person. You are worthy and whole and amazing. It has nothing to do with how much you get done. And on that note, we’re going to go sit poolside and soak in some vitamin D, right, Kel?
Kelle: Let’s do it, alright.
Nina: Alright, we’ll see you next time.
Kelle: Yeah. Thanks so much for being here. See you.
Nina: If you enjoyed today’s show and don’t want to worry about missing an episode, you can follow the show wherever you listen to your podcasts. And if you haven’t already, we would really appreciate it if you share the podcast with others who you think would benefit from it and leave a rating and review to let us know what you think.
Kelle: It doesn’t have to be a 5 star rating, although we sure hope you love the show. We want your honest feedback so we can create an awesome podcast that provides tons of value. Visit ambitious-ish.com/podcastlaunch for step by step instructions on how to follow, rate and review.
Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit https://www.kelleandnina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
Nina: Especially Kelle Cobble. But just because school is out, just because people go on vacation during the summer, it doesn’t mean the work stops. Are we right? We all still have plenty to do. That’s why today we’re talking about productivity.
Kelle: Yeah, we’re going deep into what’s standing in your way of getting it all done. And we’re going to let you in on how to be even more productive so you can finish what you need and actually enjoy the summer and the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: And if you’re thinking there’s no way I can be even more productive than I am, this one’s for you. Are you ready?
Kelle: Alright, let’s go.
Burnout? Check. Daily overwhelm? Check. Resentment rash, stress, and a complete lack of well-being? Check, check, check! You’re not alone. We’re your hosts, Kelle & Nina, and we are here to help you feel calm, balanced, and empowered so you can redefine success, make choices that feel authentic, and ACTUALLY enjoy the life you work so hard to create. You ready? Let’s go.
Kelle: Hey, I’m Kelle.
Nina: And I’m Nina. When people hear productivity, they think there must be some system, a special planner, time blocking. Time blocking is a big one, a scheduling app, a morning routine, the latest book on eight hour work weeks. Something they just haven’t figured out yet, that once they do this thing they’ll be more productive.
Kelle: Yeah. And of course, when you work with us in our six month coaching program, we have a time and energy management system we share with our clients. It’s called Your Results Plan where we get rid of your to-do list and learn how to schedule your results. So not your to-do’s, but what results are you actually going to create?
Nina: Yeah. We’ll have to tee that up for another episode because it’s so useful. And today we’re talking about more of the mental aspects, the mindset of increasing productivity. Because of course, you can have systems that help you be more organized and efficient and have better workflows, but that can only get you so far if you don’t first manage your mind, think more clearly with greater clarity and killer follow through.
Kelle: And this is really important because one of the biggest issues the women we work with bring up is not having enough time. And really it’s the inability to put your attention and energy where you want to, where they want to. So, on their kids, on their family, having time to do what you want to be doing, going for bike rides with your friends, taking time to go to summer concerts, splashing in the water with your kids, I mean, just being outside. We’re going to come back to this idea of productivity and why we all feel the need to be so productive in the first place in a bit. So, hold that thought.
Nina: Yeah. First, let’s talk about being more productive. The biggest thing we see getting in the way of productivity is your brain and more specifically, anxiety. When we talk about anxiety, that is really about going to the future and the what ifs, the what if stories, what might happen, worrying and feeling uncertain.
Kelle: And when we’re feeling this way, we also end up feeling overwhelmed and frantic and our personal favorite, frazzled and sweaty and unfocused, none of which leads to our best work.
Nina: So, let’s talk about how anxiety reduces your productivity. When we’re feeling anxious, we’ll do anything to avoid what we think is making us feel the anxiety.
Kelle: You procrastinate, you do anything but the actual thing you need to do. As I was putting the outline together for this episode, I found myself wanting to pay some bills, do the dishes, book a hotel room for a last minute beach trip my sister and I are going on next week. Anything to not do what I should be doing, what I needed to do. You also perfectionate, which I think I just made that word up, which is also a way to avoid because we’re all perfectionists when it comes to something in our lives. High achievers, we covered this in episode 16, all about perfectionism, so go back and check it out if you haven’t yet.
Nina: Yeah. When we’re feeling anxious, we avoid what we’re feeling anxious about. So, if you’re feeling anxious about having that conversation you know you need to have, that conversation with the CEO about the lack of resources your team has to get that project completed. You might put it off, we’re guessing. If you’re feeling anxious about making that call to your client, you might check Instagram instead of making that call. If you’re anxious about being alone in the same room with your mother-in-law, you might go check the pantry for a snack.
Kelle: I don’t know anything about that one. If you’re feeling anxious about your work or what you have to do, your brain will want to avoid it. And if you’re avoiding what you need to do, this is obviously going to decrease your productivity. Another way anxiety reduces productivity, when you’re anxious, you don’t think as clearly. When you’re experiencing anxiety we believe the thoughts and stories our brain makes up.
Nina: Please don’t believe these thoughts. We had a client years ago, she worked for a tech startup. It was time for annual reviews, and she was anxious about getting appropriate compensation for not just herself, but her team. She was taking on more than she could handle. She was anticipating the crazy amount of work she was going to have moving forward. She was kind of obsessing and going over different scenarios that could happen if the compensation wasn’t there. And she was just emotionally reactive and wondered if she should be looking for another job.
Kelle: As it was, she already didn’t have the time and energy to spend the way that she wanted to with her two daughters. She was in a state of panic, overwhelm, ruminating on how life wasn’t fair, how the company she worked for wasn’t fair, how everything was a battle.
Nina: Yeah, while all that was happening she wasn’t making progress on what actually needed to get done. She wasn’t being productive, and it was all such an energy drain. She was letting that anxiety cloud her ability to just think clearly, to be productive, to start and complete the projects at the office, and to actually enjoy the life she worked so hard to create.
Kelle: Yeah, here’s what she was experiencing first hand. See if this resonates for you. As we like to say, when emotion is high, intellect drops. When we humans have really big feelings, especially negative feelings like anxiety or overwhelm or anger, we’re less rational. We’re more likely to say something we may regret later or fly off the handle. The anxiety she was feeling, the big emotions she was experiencing were clouding her thinking and getting in the way of staying cool and calm under pressure, of staying cool and calm under the pressure she was experiencing.
Nina: Yeah. What we helped her see is it wasn’t the annual reviews that were making her feel anxious. It wasn’t even the possible lack of company resources or available compensation. It was her thoughts about them, her main thought, what we landed on was, I’m not going to find something else. That thought was creating her anxiety. Her brain was future tripping that she had to make this work. This position in this company was her only option. Her brain was giving her just that one option.
Kelle: Yeah. If she wanted to reduce her anxiety she had to change her thoughts. Remember, your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings drive all the action or inaction, which is avoidance, you do. And that action or lack of, creates your results. The thoughts she was having were creating the anxious feelings that sent her into a spiral and into survival mode. And if you haven’t checked out episode nine, How To Get Out of Survival Mode, yet, make sure you go back and check that out too. Okay, that survival mode, that was making her obsess and worry and ruminate and not be productive.
Nina: Yeah, because when you’re in survival, your nervous system automatically tells your brain to constantly be on alert for threats real or imagined. Your mind is going a million miles an hour. You run around like a chicken with your head cut off and you can’t think as clearly. You’re more reactive and you feel stressed physically and emotionally. And that thought, I’m not going to find anything else was creating her anxiety and her lack of productivity. She was so focused on the problem, on what might happen, it was impossible for her to come up with solutions, with other options.
She was so worried about the amount of work, the lack of appropriate compensation. She was taking the pressure off her team by taking on more than she could handle and not getting the work done, which was making the situation even worse.
Kelle: If she wanted to be more productive, she had to reduce her anxiety and get to a place where she could feel more calm. And the best way to do that, we talk about this all the time, she had to change her thoughts. So just remember, when you think thoughts like, this is my only option, or I don’t know how I’m going to get this all done, or I don’t know how to do this, or I don’t want to fail, or I have to get this right.
Nina: Or they’re going to think I can’t do it. I’m going to look like I don’t know what I’m doing, or I can’t handle it or I’m not a good doctor or lawyer, business owner or real estate agent, I’m not good at what I do. What you’re doing is you’re putting yourself in a position of fear, of feeling some flavor of afraid, which sets off that survival mode cascade as if you were being chased by a tiger.
Kelle: And if you haven’t done this work, if you haven’t learned how to look at your thinking and how it drives what you’re feeling, you won’t recognize the thought or thoughts that are creating that anxiety. You’ll think it’s because of the situation or the circumstance. You’ll think it’s because of the upcoming reviews and the lack of company resources. When really the only reason you’re feeling anxious is because of how you’re thinking.
Nina: We had a client text us while we were putting this episode together and this exact thing happened. Someone in the parent company made a comment about how she runs her business, and it sent her into a spiral. We hopped on a quick spot coaching session with her, which is what we call a quick 20 minute call we offer clients between sessions in our six month coaching program. And once we went through the situation and identified the thought that was making her feel anxious, we were able to find a better feeling thought for her.
After the call, she felt more calm, more grounded. She was able to think more rationally, be more productive so that she could finish her work and be ready to enjoy her weekend with her family.
Kelle: So, the first way to increase your productivity is to reduce your anxiety and get to a place where you feel calm, clear, and focused so that you can actually be efficient and get your work done. And in order to do that, you have to figure out what you’re thinking that’s making you feel anxious. And then you have to change those thoughts, find a better feeling thought that’s believable for you. This is totally simple and doable once you know how but it’s not always easy, it takes practice.
Nina: Simple, but not easy. Once you know how to do this, once you know how to identify the thought that’s making you feel anxious, in this case, but really, we can identify any thought which is making you feel any negative feeling you don’t want to feel. When you practice over and over, you become the person that can feel calm, centered, and empowered in any situation. The easiest way to find the thought, the sentence in your brain that’s making you feel anxious is to ask yourself, what am I anxious about?
Take out a piece of paper and write down everything that comes to you on why you’re anxious. And then take a look at the thoughts and identify the one that’s the most un-useful as we like to say, the one that’s not helpful moving you forward, it’s keeping you stuck. Going back to that client that was worried about reviews and lack of company resources, she was thinking, I’m not going to find anything else.
Kelle: Alright. And then next, we find a new thought. One question we love to find a new thought is to ask the question, how is that not true? And when you go to answer this question for yourself, notice your brain immediately goes to, but it is true. This is where people tend to get stuck. The problem is you believe these thoughts and practice them for so long, your brain thinks they’re true. That’s just how it is, that this is just how it is. This is when we get patient, we stay open and get curious. And then write down all the reasons why it’s not true.
Nina: So that thought, I’m not going to find anything else, in answering how it’s not true, our client wrote down her past experience in her field, how she climbed the ranks and became director. All the qualifications she has. What qualities she has that make her good at what she does, all of it, keep asking what else, what else. And as you write and remind yourself how qualified you are, that you do actually know what you’re doing. You’re showing your brain all the evidence that you could find something else if you wanted. It’s very reassuring.
You’re kind of self-coaching here, that you are capable of this and so much more. You’re able to calm down even when you have tough days, unhappy clients, and unhelpful CEOs. So, a new thought for her was, I’m good at what I do. I can be successful here or somewhere else. She also came up with, I always figure it out. And then also my reputation is not dependent on what happens in this one position.
Kelle: Yeah, so good. I love that one. And remember, your thought has to be believable. It’s not, find the best feeling thought ever like I’m the best at what I do in the world and they’re stupid if they don’t see it. No. You just have to find the thought that feels better than the original thought. You’ll know you believe it if you think the thought and feel better. And if it makes you feel better, even slightly better, that’s a thought you can think on purpose and practice. When you practice a new thought over and over, it becomes a new belief for you. This is one of the ways we work with our clients to rewire their brains.
Nina: If you have a hard time trying this and putting it into practice, it’s not because you can’t do it. It’s just because this is a new skill and sometimes it takes a minute to learn a new skill. We don’t have mastery right away. So, if you want help to see how this works in your life, sign up for a free consultation with us. Bring us your pain points, bring us your circumstances and we’ll spread it all out and take a look with you in a free consultation. Just go to kelleandnina.com/schedule and you’ll go straight to our calendar to schedule a consultation.
Kelle: Okay, so coming up with a new thought you believe that reduces your anxiety and increases your productivity is one of the best ways to increase that productivity. Let’s talk about another way to increase your productivity. And stay with us because when we first tell people this, they don’t like it. It’s not even that they don’t like it, they just don’t even believe it, they don’t get it, it’s like what? Okay, are you ready? You have to do less. You have to stop trying to be productive all the time.
Nina: This is about being productive when it counts, when you need to be productive, when you want to be productive, when you decide on purpose to be productive at work or at home when you need to get things done. This does not mean 24/7 365. And listen, we get it, we were both raised to be productive, to be going all the time. If we aren’t being productive every waking moment of the day, something must be wrong with us, the L word comes to mind, right, Kel, lazy?
Kelle: Oh, yeah.
Nina: And for many of us in the US, growing up with this belief of the American dream that if you work hard enough, you can do anything.
Kelle: My mom told me that, for sure all the time and I believed her, and it served me for so long until it didn’t. So, you work hard and you’re productive all day at work, but then you go home and there’s always something to do at home too. Run the kids around, do the laundry, make dinner, grocery shop, pay the bills, call the internet company, plan the vacation, make a doctor’s appointment, order the soccer uniforms. And if you’re wondering, yeah, this all just came from my personal calendar.
Nina: Working hard, being productive, ticking boxes and accomplishing is so ingrained in us, especially as women, but you may hear this and it doesn’t even land for you. We’re resistant to doing less because if we don’t get it all done, what does that mean about us? Here comes the mean girl, our inner mean girl. Are we lazy? Have we failed? Can we not do it? Of course not rock stars.
Kelle: Being more productive 24/7, 365 does not make you a better person. It doesn’t make you more whole or more worthy to get more done. And if you’ve been someone who all your life, you’ve gotten more done than the average person, you’ve accomplished more than most people, that’s amazing. And look how far it’s gotten you. And if you want to go big, if you want to show yourself what you’re truly capable of, what has gotten you to this point isn’t going to get you to where you want to go next.
Nina: Totally. You have to learn how to do it differently, to be more productive when it counts and to understand when you don’t need to be productive. Give yourself that permission, when you actually need to let yourself rest and recharge, to fill your cup so that when the time comes and you need to be productive again, you can go all out. If you’re like the Energizer bunny, you know who you are, if you are the type of person that goes all day and doesn’t sit down, you don’t even know how to relax, doing less is not going to feel good at first. We need to underline that. This is going to feel hard. You may have guilt that you’re not doing enough. Your brain will tell you you should be doing more.
Kelle: Yeah, you may feel shame, if you don’t get it all done, you’ve failed in some way, there must be something wrong with you. And just so you know, the difference between those two, guilt and shame. Guilt is, I’ve done something wrong. Shame is, there’s something wrong with me. Neither feel good and both drain your energy.
Nina: Yeah. When you’re judging yourself in this way you will never feel good enough, no matter what you accomplish, it will never be enough. And it’s true, especially today you could always be working. We know this as entrepreneurs personally, there is always something else we could be doing. And if you think this way, if you tell yourself this on repeat that you should be productive all the time, if you believe what we’ve been saying about the virtues and value of hard work 24/7. It takes time and presence to unwind these patterns, these stories.
Kelle: Yeah, this is really the Jedi move. This is the mastery of learning how to do less. So, if you believe everything your brain tells you, you’re in for a lot of suffering in your life. When you’re able to become aware of these patterns for yourself and understand why you believe what you believe about productivity. When you notice the thoughts like I should be doing more and you’re able to notice when you feel guilty for not working constantly, you actually become more productive when it counts.
Nina: So, on that note, we would love to offer you a thought to practice. When you find yourself needing to rest but feel guilty, think this thought, I’ll be more productive if I give myself some time to rest.
Kelle: Yeah, practice this, rest, relax and recharge. Take the time you need to fill your cup. For me right now that looks like sitting poolside with a book or a friend, hopping on my mountain bike, hitting one of my favorite breakfast spots or laying in the grass in the sun, watching the bees pollinate the garden with my kids. Okay, to be honest, that one’s two minutes then the kids are gone, they’re out of there. Okay, what about you, Nina?
Nina: That sounds amazing. I’ll join you poolside later today Kel.
Kelle: Do it.
Nina: Yeah. For me this is alone time, runs and bike rides on the trails here in Park City. I love meditation and reading. I also love yard work. Sort of sound like a senior citizen here, and that’s okay. This is what we mean when we say you have to do less to do more. It’s so hard for many of us to feel okay taking any time off. For some of us, it’s hard to not be working and doing. For some of us, we’re okay taking a break from work as long as we’re training for that next bike race or marathon or something else really hardcore.
But when you notice your brain is thinking, I should be doing more, notice that it doesn’t actually motivate you to do more. It actually feels kind of crappy.
Kelle: And whether you’re feeling anxiety, shame, or guilt, none of these actually make you more productive. When you’re trying to work, when you’re feeling any of these, you end up partially working, distracting yourself with food or scrolling social media or whatever flavor of buffering or numbing is for you.
Nina: Yeah, if you’re taking time off, but then you’re checking your work email or you have to take this one call, you’re not really taking time off. We get it, some of you have positions where you feel you have to be available and responsive for clients, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take one hour off and relax or go for a walk with your dog or a friend for 20 minutes. Start small with this. Don’t try to take a whole day off if you don’t usually do that. See if you can take Sunday morning off and not check your phone until 10. Decide ahead of time. Or take a break for 30 minutes in the middle of the day.
Or if you’re in the office all day, close your eyes and rest for three minutes. We have a client who actually got on the floor and put her feet up in her chair for 15 minutes the other day. It’s amazing.
Kelle: Yeah, love it. Okay, so choose a small amount of time and actually allow your body and your brain to relax. Remember that thought we offered, I’ll be more productive if I give myself time to rest. Practice this thought, you have to actually practice it over and over again, put it on stickies, put it in your phone. Your brain is going to want to serve up thoughts that make you feel anxious, those old thoughts that you’ve practiced for a long time, and then you feel the guilt and shame.
You have to remind yourself, you’re unwinding these old stories and patterns, thoughts, and beliefs so that you can be more productive when it counts and actually enjoy the life you work so hard to create.
Nina: How much you do has nothing to do with your value or worth as a person. You are worthy and whole and amazing. It has nothing to do with how much you get done. And on that note, we’re going to go sit poolside and soak in some vitamin D, right, Kel?
Kelle: Let’s do it, alright.
Nina: Alright, we’ll see you next time.
Kelle: Yeah. Thanks so much for being here. See you.
Nina: If you enjoyed today’s show and don’t want to worry about missing an episode, you can follow the show wherever you listen to your podcasts. And if you haven’t already, we would really appreciate it if you share the podcast with others who you think would benefit from it and leave a rating and review to let us know what you think.
Kelle: It doesn’t have to be a 5 star rating, although we sure hope you love the show. We want your honest feedback so we can create an awesome podcast that provides tons of value. Visit ambitious-ish.com/podcastlaunch for step by step instructions on how to follow, rate and review.
Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of Ambitious-Ish.
Nina: If you’re ready to align your ambitions with your heart and feel more calm, balanced, and connected, visit https://www.kelleandnina.com for more information about how to work with us and make sure you get on our list.
Kelle: See you in the next episode!
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